September 27

I Didn’t Want To Do This But You Leave Me No Choice

Oh so you want a war now do you? I accept your challenge; I do suspect that we’ll end up like Russia and America on this one. We have enough nukes to blow each other to kingdom come, but would you really want to risk it all for this? Let me warn you, I know how to play the game, I know the rules and my determination will ensure that I cannot lose. Gambling is not a fool’s game, it’s something highly successful people thrive at. It’s all about risk if you want the reward that is. Can you take a calculated risk? Of course you can, you’re a psychopath ask anyone, that’s what they say you are, that’s what you say you are. Unfortunately there’s not much original about you, if I had been a cadet and not a Scout, I think we’d have been pretty much be identical. Maybe that’s what scares me, the fact that I could have turned out like you. 

Yeah back in the day I used to respect you, but well you have made a bit of a mess recently. It annoys me because I can’t comprehend your masochistic personality. I guess to you it may not seem like you are inflicting upon yourself, after all I too find it difficult to take anything too seriously now. Now I know you have something to say to me so you might as well say it. Seriously I insist that you do. You will make so much easier. Oh but you love the complexity don’t you. You love the rush that the game gives you. Controlled only by your senses, because that is what makes sense to you. 

Why am I asking questions recently? Because you are asking me questions good sir. Sure not many, but I know you have something to say, so for goodness sake just say it! You won’t say it I know you won’t. Maybe you are too proud to admit it. What do you get out of this? Why do you think this is a good idea when I’m not so certain. When I think back, I knew what I was signing up for. I knew what would happen, but I kept going. The crazy became normality, the chaos became my life. If I sat back for a while, the whole street would be ablaze. Unfortunately I am very humanitarian person. 

So ready your army. If you want a war then we’ll have our war. Make your move I dare you. Play as dirty as you like. Because while you set out to destroy I set out to heal. As protector of man, it is my duty. Maybe my causes are futile and you might even question what i’m even doing. Like I told you, I’m on no one’s side, I’m purely an observer. Just say what you need to say so we can all get on with our lives. At the end of the day though remember that it’s your choice! I don’t want to have to stop you, but I will have to bring you down to size if you get in my way. 

This is how it has always worked, I’m not evil, I don’t want to be hostile, I don’t try to be either. I know you keep telling me you don’t have a problem, you know I can’t believe that. So let’s sort this. Round one, move one let’s start. Do your worst!

September 26

Allo Allo, Google’s Doing Smart Messaging

Google Allo

Smart seems to be a word that’s popping up everywhere recently. We have smart phones, smart homes, even smart watches. Now we have ‘smart messaging.’ Of course I say smart, these things aren’t really smart, but they’re certainly not dumb to say the least either.

So what is smart messaging as such?

Smart messaging (from what I’ve gathered at least) is taking a messaging app and adding what’s known as assistance to it to make your life easier. Actually the word smart in most concepts of technology means to make your life easier, which actually was supposed to be the purpose of the in the beginning he says. By assistance I don’t mean adding magnifiers or daft text narration and speech dictation, because quite simply, that’s not smart, it’s just useful for some users, but a hindrance to most of the populace. What I mean by assistance is adding an embedded personal assistant to a messaging app, like Siri or Cortana, except that it’s  obviously powered by Google and not Apple or Microsoft. The app is available (or rather it will be when this post is released I hope) for both IOS and Android devices.

Why on earth would I want this?

Okay for the majority of use cases, you’re probably not going to need to use the assistance. It’s more of a gimmick. For example, am I really going to shout at my phone to show you that I am angry? No of course not, that would be daft! Might I share with you a recipe for something to cook tonight? Possibly but I’m assuming you can cook now. It could be very useful however if you needed to share your location, although Skype already has this feature.

Smart reply

Now if you want to say for example “ah okay” in response to a message, instead of typing “ah okay” every single time

Incognito chats

There have been times when you’ve probably thought you’d really rather keep these chats to yourself and while yes you could just delete the thread, in Google Allo, you could just as easily make it an incognito chat.

So tell me again why I should install this?

If you’re the sort of person who likes the look of Facebook messenger and can convince all your friends to download Google Allo then (because you can’t send SMS from it at the moment) then go ahead.

Do you like it?

Well I’m going to be honest with you, I really liked the sound of it but it doesn’t work like i expected it to. For example I would have expected you would be able to send SMS through Google Allo. As of yet you can’t, but you can invite them. It kind of defeats object. It’s also sending messages without end to end encryption by default which means that the Google assistant can read all those saucy messages that you’re sending to that girl/guy right now! Well that is if you have the app installed of course, otherwise your safe. Or are you?

So no I don’t like it at the moment but I see its potential.

TL;DR

Google’s Allo is effectively a reboot of the Google Hangouts app with cosmetic changes and a fancy digital assistant with features such as incognito chat and better speech recognition that detects when you’re shouting and adjusts the size of the text. It looks a bit like Facebook messenger, but it’s certainly a lot more intelligent. But I seriously question its usefulness right now but maybe that’s my defeatist. Oh yes and it will also probably spy on you, but that’s to be expected considering everything is spying on you already right?

September 23

I’m Not Schizophrenic, It’s One Of “These” Posts Again

Warning the following post contains a little bit of bad language

Right let’s go. This attempt two, last time we did this it was back in March and there were only three of us. Now there are five of us. So let’s start. We’re heading anticlockwise go. 

Okay anticlockwise sounds like an M25 travel report you know the large circular motorway 

So Alex just did a big laugh and scared us all. So I don’t know what to say at all because I’ve never blogged. All I can feel is myself a little tipsy from a small cocktail I am a huge light weight. But we’re Pokémon hunting WOIIIOI. Hahahaha blogging is harder than I thought. And if someone is 6ft, then they are as tall as 6 1ft subways. And now Alex is dreading some stuff because of something. No change there then. oh man good luck! I’m just typing random shit now and my eyes hurt like hell and I need a hug hahahaha I’ll shut up now. 

Well, after a tangent longer than the build-up to the EU referendum and an equally perplexing result, it’s my turn to give this blogging lark a shot. I shan’t pretend to have any interesting content to offer, but I am able to offer a more realistic approach to most standard aspects of life. Take blogging as an example. The prospect of whittering on about personal affairs to an audience of largely complete strangers, with no foreseeable end to the ramblings and no solution to any issues, seems entirely pointless… unless to vent frustration to a mass of individuals in the hopes that doing so would provide some kind of emotional closure… Ah. I see the point now. Uh, do carry on.

Well after Hadokens rant up there I’m not really sure what to say, so yes… Blogs. I’m not a huge blogger but I suppose I can pretend to be an intellectual, master of the art of words. I enjoy nights in spoons with this oddball crew, we will probably venture to McDonald’s later so Alpha Nerd Alex can dip an apple pie in a mcflurry. I’m enjoying myself ^-^

Fat chance of that happening considering I’ve just eaten six pancakes. So let’s have a topic because so far there is nothing worth talking about. So yes I swear too much I think so let’s talk about swearing because why on earth not. How many times on average do you guys swear in a day?

The answer is alcohol what was the question?

Swearing…. I swear when I am angry, I swear when I am sad, I swear whenever the fuck I want because it’s now in my vocabulary. It’s a way to vent off and it’s satisfying. When something annoys me or I am upset, I shall use the sailor language because it’s better than violence. Sometimes I swear when I am happy as well because when something just goes so well you just want to shout from the rooftops that something has finally gone your way. Sadly at The moment I haven’t had that moment but hopefully I will. The spongebob episode of him and Patrick swearing is the first time I knew about swearing so that’s a great episode yeahhh fucking great. 

I’d like to forward this by saying that swearing is considered to be a sign of an advanced vocabulary. On which note, fuck yeah I swear. I swear all day every day, to the point that I begin sentences with “fucking”. Y’know what I mean: “Fuckin’, dude, tryin’ to avoid Breath of the Wild spoilers on Facebook is like trying to avoid stupid on tumblr.’ Swears become adjectives, nouns, verbs, they’re just so gloriously versatile; who wouldn’t appreciate such diversity in language? Besides, nothing quite dispenses with irritating company like ‘fuck off’ does.

Fuck off 

Well that was rude… I don’t think I want to talk anymore :c

Okay I’m slightly weirded out, one Simon’s work colleagues just said hello and complimented me on my shirt and my shoes, so I’m going to be honest with you that was weird. They also contributed one of the paragraphs of in this post, so thank you for your insight on that one. It was certainly creative… Anyway I’m going to round this off here. Thank you everyone!

September 22

Chapter 2: Gentle Sipping

For chapter one click here!

I scribbled frantically as the phone rang. Mark asked if me if he wanted him to answer it, but the whole situation was irritating me. “Go for Nick,” I answered in a resigned and defeated voice. I knew what this was, I knew what this meant. My plan had to work, if it didn’t then everything I worked so hard on would fail.

*****************

Dene had finished doing whatever he was doing in the basement of the tea shop. He was not the brightest of people and he was dreadfully slow at thinking. Raine (who was the name of the girl that had stepped into the tea shop earlier) was still there texting away on her phone taking an occasional sip. Like she’d said earlier, she had never drank tea before, so she wasn’t quite aware of all of the customs and etiquettes of drinking the stuff. Thankfully Nick’s brew was a blended variety that seemed to suit anyone’s taste. It had a vanilla aftertaste, but the overall flavour wasn’t too overpowering. To Nick, tea was a science. He had experimented for years with different ingredients and it had taken him five years to figure out this tea, which is what he described as a ‘truly magical blend’. If he was a robot then this was his oil, even though half of the people he met didn’t think he was a human. 

As Dene emerged from behind the counter, he noticed that Nick had left. He was about to go back down to the basement when he saw a book left on Nick’s table. Nick had a habit of taking off and leaving his book. This one was an advanced tsumego book, which was strange because Nick usually full of PDFs containing exactly that. “Excuse me,” said Dene to Raine. “Do you know where Nick went?”.
“No I’m sorry, he said that you were ‘lazy and inefficient’, gave me this tea and sat back down, swore and ran off really fast.” Dene shrugged and smiled at her. He thought nothing of it. Most people would have been freaked out about a book with the words inscribed “life and death” into the book cover. 

Nick always left notes in books. When he was younger, he used to scribble (and I say scribble because he handwriting was barely legible) to exactly where he was going, what he would be doing and what time he would be back. It was the perfect place to put it because only the person who requires to know would see it, because most people don’t read books that have been left on the table, well this is at least what Nick had always observed when he said to his parents “didn’t you read the book?” Unfortunately, in this tale no one actually opened the book so you will never know the message that Nick left. 

Raine asked Dene if he knew where Nick had ran off to, Dene shrugged and tried not to make eye-contact. Despite the fact that he ran a teashop, he was not the most socially aware person on the planet. He was a tad awkward most of the time and embarrassed by his hobbies. As he shrugged he thought about this, he didn’t quite understand it. He had noticed Nick to be a very erratic person at times, but he’d never really thought about it until now. He’s always let it slide, but now he  posed questions as to who he really was. He sent him a text that read the following “What the hell is going on, there’s a strange girl asking where you are.” But he got no response. Quite clearly something was up, but Dene would never clock it, he thought too slow and thought too realistically. Nick himself was riddled with chaos, which is why many people were both drawn to him and could never understand him. “I assume he served you,” said Dene. Raine nodded and shrugged. That’s really all she could do. She continued to text, but was truthfully bored, she had to know more about Nick. She asked Dene for Nick’s number and began to formulate a text. This is what she did. This was how it started, oh people would be judging her for this if they ever found out, but she suspected the risk would be greater than the reward. 

September 21

You

The clock read 05:30AM. I turned on the radio because I didn’t feel sleepy. It was raining outside so I stepped outside and allowed myself get drenched, I almost forgot I was standing outside until I looked at my watch. I figured that it was best to book a Travelodge rather than annoy my parents more after my huge shouting match on Tuesday. Quite clearly I couldn’t control the white hot rage that’s been flowing through my veins this week. I’ve chucked myself into my work, I’ve been out in Guildford,  I’ve purposely made myself busy because that’s all I can do. It’s what I want to do and it’s what I should be doing because busyness is what makes me feel resolved. 

You sat at the table with me in the canteen as I was eating breakfast and solving Tsumego puzzles, you asked me what I was doing and you asked me how I could solve these puzzles just by looking at them. I simply looked up for a second, I looked you right in the eyes, blinked and replied “practise” before I shifted my gaze once again to the screen. My breakfast was six black puddings, black pudding is an English breakfast items made from most things pig including its blood. I had a carton of pineapple juice to the right-hand side of me, a whole lemon to my left and a the little SAS book  along with my laptop in front of me. I had a pen and a notebook that I would write the solutions to the life and death problems. 

Now for those who don’t know anything about Go, there are puzzles that regard the life and death of stones. These are called Tsumego. The aim of Tsumego is to keep your stones alive and possibly kill the oppositions stones. It’s ridiculously strategic and has more combinations than there are known atoms in the universe. 

This was my mind rebuilding itself, reverting itself to standard operating procedures it created in February. I shouted at a tree. My mind was reforming itself, it was calculating the square root of a lemon, the subconscious processing was continuing as it has done since I was born, perhaps even longer. It was creating, it was innovating bringing new ideas to a burnt out and defeated model. This was the beginning, it was beginning to heal, it was understanding, it shrugged and the monkeys all suddenly shut up. It glared at them, it sneered at them. It was not pleased with them so it threw them against the wall. 

Doubt was shattered like glass across the floor. My mind smiled maniacally, there was evil in its eyes. “Well,” it said to me “harder than you thought wasn’t it?” I looked at it, I tried to understand it, but consciousness cannot fully understand semiconsciousness. “Someone told me this model would be unsure, it’s the one that’s been exposed to the most chaos, but that’s probably its own fault because of its resilience. One thing’s for certain, it’s determined oh and it cares. It possesses good people skills as it always has done and it’s restless. Sure it’s moving quickly, but you’ll have to move quicker do you understand me? Know that it’s okay to leave some things undecided, but don’t let that control your life. One final thing, you expect too much because you want people to be better than they actually are. That’s why you’re disappointed, well were disappointed. Whatever! Just get back out there, you’re not done yet. ” 

September 15

A Perfectly Disjointed Post, Just Like My Driving

Seriously someone move that pigeon! It’s been two whole weeks why is it still here? 

I can’t believe it’s still here and I’m not even sure if it is a pigeon now actually taking a look at it. I honestly think I’m gonna miss waiting for trains in October when I’ll be cursing (maybe cruising if I’m lucky) the UKs biggest carpark (otherwise known as the M25) and spending every other weekend away from home. I’ve wanted this for a while. I remember in the beginning when one of my friends Dan told me about a dream he had. It went something like this. He and some of his housemates (from first year) and his mum (apparently) were in Brighton for some reason. I plugged in a laptop to my car because I claimed that it would “Do the steering for me”. As you can imagine the dream ended in a car crash, but for a few moments apparently the car was actually in zero gravity mode. Or at least this is what Dan claims about his dream. I can’t quite remember what he said but there was something about a hill. Either way I was like “woaaaah man. That’s trippy.” When he told me all about these. 

Now the surprising thing is that at the time I was working on numerous ideas about modifications I could make to the car, but I don’t think anyone knew I was doing anything like this until late May. One of the things I was working on with one of my friends (until I found out she was completely crazy) was a raspberry pi car computer system. I’d done a bit of research into setups people had come up with and I decided it was a good idea to try it. So we found a car and boy did that cost a bomb to insure, well I say we found a car, we just used her Peugeot 206 which was apparently made in 2002. Let me tell you I could tell. 

I honestly thought my Dad would share more enthusiasm that I was finally taking an interest in cars considering his heavy background of engineering.Grandma tells me all about it still when I talk to her on the phone. My dad did give me a strange look when I started talking about fibreglass dashboards though, which is probably because he couldn’t imagine me doing this because I’ve always worked with my head more than with my hands. My parents are very strange creatures though. When someone turns up at the house and they say “They’re waiting for me” and I don’t want to talk to them, it does not mean that you should allow them to stay and offer them scones… I’m sure one or two of you reading this will remember when I first told you that story when I was on the third week of a Java course in London. I guess I have to give Jonesy a bit of credit though, even if there was always something she wanted me to do with her car. Now she drives the fanciest 206 in all the land 😜 

Don’t get me wrong it was fun and I never had to pay a penny for the parts and I got treated like a king with all the tea and biscuits I was given, but all good things have to come to an end eventually especially if you can’t give someone exactly what they want. Anyway where was I? Oh yes driving

Now I would describe my driving to be interesting. I mean when I’m in the car I don’t actually notice that the radio is on until someone turns it off because of the utter tut that comes out of it. I used to be a very nervous driver in the beginning, but that’s probably because I had my first lessons in Guildford, which is apparently (so I’m told) a very hard place to drive. I guess those words must hold some truth because everywhere else I’ve driven has been a cake-walk. On my intensive course, my instructor asked if I had been on a dual carriageway before. I chuckled because that was my second lesson in Guildford. No wonder I came back in after lunch on Thursdays shaking like a leaf… I find it funny that my father thinks music affects my driving. On Tuesday he said “have you eaten rocket fuel this morning?” He then turned off the radio, which I didn’t even notice was on, because he thought I’d drive slower. I think he was very surprised that it didn’t have any effect. 

My driving style really does depend on the person sitting next to me though. If it’s dad I become an angry driver, if it’s mum I become more cautious and if it’s my instructor I drive naturally. I’ve got a month to iron out all the kinks though now and I feel comfortable with driving now. The nicest car that I have driven (well in my opinion it felt the most natural to) was definitely the Hyundai i10 I drove last week. I didn’t feel much love for the fiesta and my mother’s Citroen, well let’s just say I’m not quite sure what its game is yet. Let’s just say I have some sort of love hate relationship with its cheap and flimsy feeling pedals. 

Anyway I’m sure everything will be fine. I just need to keep practising. Ta rah for now

September 14

A letter from a subconscious muttering

Dear Alex,

Do you remember last year? I think you do. Does it feel like much has changed, because truthfully it hasn’t. Sure you’ve done things, you’ve been extremely unconventional to your usual state, but technically you’re still the same. Things might seem like they’re in turmoil right now, things might seem like they’re falling apart, but that’s only because you’re not applying what you’ve been learning. At the moment you really are lacking in self-discipline and letting your desires take over. Last week was a turning point, you shut the monkey up. Sure you let it make a right mess of things and nearly caused a full on nuclear war, that could still happen, but I suspect you won’t allow that now will you? Would you be stupid enough to let that happen, or are you truly naive and idiotic enough to let it happen. Who would it benefit? What would it achieve to serve the bonds and allow fission to occur? Are you trusted Wornast, because I don’t think that you are. You may not be destructive and you do not try to be, but people fear your potential to be destructive and above all they fear your unpredictability, after all we’re not all used to uncertainty like you are. 

The potential of certain people has angered you recently, but you shouldn’t be too angry that you couldn’t get to them. Once, a while ago, you were an angry person do you really want to be like that again? I suspected that you didn’t. While your divine rage got you to where you are today, it doesn’t mean that it will get you where you want to be nor where you need to be. So what will you need to do? I think you already know that answer, but you need to allow your mind to rebuild itself to the level of strength that it possessed just a few years ago. Give it time, give  it all the time it needs

August 30

A Tuesday Mind Dump

There was a dead pigeon on the train track this morning. I’m not really sure how to feel about it. I think way too much about things, miss the obvious and adopt the opinions of others to shape who I think I am. I used to think everything about me was complicated, that I needed a whiteboard to explain it all, but after last night I realise that I’ve been extremely moronic. The complicated part is just stuff and stuff isn’t necessarily important. I mean there’s only one thing that still applies and that is the 75th principal. If someone asked me to describe who I am or who I think I am, I’d simply shrug and say It doesn’t really matter does it? the world is so backward because no one cares. We smile, we wave, we say hello and ask each other how they are, but we don’t really care about the answers. No one understands anyone, but that’s probably only because everyone shuts everyone out to a certain degree. Everyone shows you want you want to see and only what you want to see, no one wants to show vulnerability, for fear of appearing weak. 

Eventually, if you keep thinking this way you begin to live life in a dream, it all begins to feel like a game. It’s enough to turn any good person cold. When I was working on certaceptation (which I only stopped working on because I was getting nowhere with it) I realised that something is only complicated if you want it to be. Anything can be simplified, but it what is simple to me might not be simple to them.

So what do I think? Recently I’ve said “I don’t know” a lot because a lot of the time I really don’t know what to think anymore. Nothing much really matters to me, nothing really scares me. The way I see it is everything works, but I don’t know what reality is anymore. Every time I’ve  “let someone in” in the past, I’ve usually regretted it. Yesterday was different. I want this person to know me and I want to know them, because truthfully I do care about them. 

Everyone’s life is different, but in some cases the configurations can be similar. I mean I do make bad decisions when it comes to my personal life, but good decisions in my professional life. I guess I should draw up some plans, after all it’s what I know, it’s what I do. I mean if I didn’t have a plan, I’d end up somewhere, buy I’d feel like I’d be going on a wild goose chase. It’d feel foggy to say the least. I’m not worried if I was worried I’d be shouting down the houses and people would know about it. Being secretive isn’t me after all. 

Neutrality is something I don’t really like, I’ll work with it though. I mean it’s not necessarily good nor is it necessarily bad. It’s just something that I’m not terribly used to. *Shrugs* that can’t last forever. 

August 26

Clearing Things Up

So my phone has just died on me, not sure what’s happened, probably heat damage or something considering it was sitting out in the sun the other day. It knew it was on its way out I guess, begrudgingly though, the phone I was going to get to replace it hasn’t been released yet. I remember having the same dilemma with my Nokia lumia exactly two years ago to this date, although that was an entirely different situation altogether, when it decided to fall out of my pocket and tumble into the toilet that I had just used. So for now I’ve bought a cheap nasty phone with a massive 4150mAh battery that’s only here for probably a month I hope! I do feel sorry for it though because blimey I have put that phone through a hell of a lot. I don’t even know how it survived six months let alone two years. Yes I am a phone wrecker it seems. Anyway, I’ve yet again gone on a massive tangent. Before I make a start on the post however, I’d like to thank SC, DM, DT, ER and HB.

So last week (the week beginning the 14th of August) was not a great week. The week for me always begins on a Sunday. People always ask me “why does your week start on a Sunday” to which I usually respond with some convoluted explanation that no one can ever understand. I actually had to result in drinking espressos as a mood booster, despite the fact that I’m an avid tea drinker. Of course drinking eleven espressos a day was probably not the best of ideas because I did feel rather queezy by midday. Anyway on Sunday I ended up going kayaking at Ardingly resevoir with a girl who has been messing around with raspberry pis with for quite a while now and it wasn’t actually half bad. They’re also a bit of an idiot because I’ve spent far too much time messing around with her Peugeot. On Monday it was a friend of mine’s birthday where I ended up getting fed up and leaving early and going to bed ridiculously early. My low mood resulted in me spending more time with this girl, but I had a huge arguement with her on Saturday when I had one of the most massive arguements of my life with her, which is now enough to put me off relationships for now at least.

On my blogging break, I’ve spent a lot of time reading and thinking about what I want and I’ve also spent a lot of time complaining and listening to other people’s opinions on the matter. Trying to figure out what you want might sound like an easy task, but as Morgan Freeman said in Bruce Almighty “Yeah. But since when does anyone have a clue about what they want?” At the time people told me to do what I wanted to do and if I’m honest I had no idea. I ended up buying a lot of things, which is strange because I’ve never really been someone who spends a lot of money. After reviewing everything that’s happened in the past few weeks I’ve actually realised that not a lot of things matter that much to me. I mean my life is pretty much there, all I have to do is keep doing what I’m doing.

 I shall be back soon! 

 

July 20

Catch You Later 🐍

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Well here we are in the middle of July in the year of 2016. July is always the week when everything happens, I know that’s pretty vague because define the term everything! Usually I love to tell people what’s going on, but right now, I think I need to be alone and to keep this all under lock and key. When I say that I’m busy, I’m not pushing anyone away, when I say that I have other plans, it really does mean that I have other plans.

I love blogging, it loosens up the mind, keeps it well oiled and makes it as sharp as a tack. Right now, I need to have some time to think, some time to bask in the glorious sunshine and some time to read some books under my favourite tree. Some of you will find your way to me. But here’s the thing, I will be taking a long break and I don’t exactly know when I will be back.

These past two and a half years have been great and I’ve certainly come a long way since I first started. I mean I’ve been many different people and I’m going to keep being different 😛 I’d like to thank you, my loyal readers, I know every blogger says this, but you really make all this worthwhile and I’m sure that I will have many stories to tell you and to share with you all upon my return!

I’m getting a bit dramatic here, all I’m really doing is going on blogging holiday… That’s a blogging vacation for my transatlantic cousins!

Anyway this Alex Wornast Signing off for the summer!

Catch You Later 🐍