August 26

Clearing Things Up

So my phone has just died on me, not sure what’s happened, probably heat damage or something considering it was sitting out in the sun the other day. It knew it was on its way out I guess, begrudgingly though, the phone I was going to get to replace it hasn’t been released yet. I remember having the same dilemma with my Nokia lumia exactly two years ago to this date, although that was an entirely different situation altogether, when it decided to fall out of my pocket and tumble into the toilet that I had just used. So for now I’ve bought a cheap nasty phone with a massive 4150mAh battery that’s only here for probably a month I hope! I do feel sorry for it though because blimey I have put that phone through a hell of a lot. I don’t even know how it survived six months let alone two years. Yes I am a phone wrecker it seems. Anyway, I’ve yet again gone on a massive tangent. Before I make a start on the post however, I’d like to thank SC, DM, DT, ER and HB.

So last week (the week beginning the 14th of August) was not a great week. The week for me always begins on a Sunday. People always ask me “why does your week start on a Sunday” to which I usually respond with some convoluted explanation that no one can ever understand. I actually had to result in drinking espressos as a mood booster, despite the fact that I’m an avid tea drinker. Of course drinking eleven espressos a day was probably not the best of ideas because I did feel rather queezy by midday. Anyway on Sunday I ended up going kayaking at Ardingly resevoir with a girl who has been messing around with raspberry pis with for quite a while now and it wasn’t actually half bad. They’re also a bit of an idiot because I’ve spent far too much time messing around with her Peugeot. On Monday it was a friend of mine’s birthday where I ended up getting fed up and leaving early and going to bed ridiculously early. My low mood resulted in me spending more time with this girl, but I had a huge arguement with her on Saturday when I had one of the most massive arguements of my life with her, which is now enough to put me off relationships for now at least.

On my blogging break, I’ve spent a lot of time reading and thinking about what I want and I’ve also spent a lot of time complaining and listening to other people’s opinions on the matter. Trying to figure out what you want might sound like an easy task, but as Morgan Freeman said in Bruce Almighty “Yeah. But since when does anyone have a clue about what they want?” At the time people told me to do what I wanted to do and if I’m honest I had no idea. I ended up buying a lot of things, which is strange because I’ve never really been someone who spends a lot of money. After reviewing everything that’s happened in the past few weeks I’ve actually realised that not a lot of things matter that much to me. I mean my life is pretty much there, all I have to do is keep doing what I’m doing.

 I shall be back soon! 


July 20

Catch You Later ūüźć


Well here we are in the middle of July in the year of 2016. July is always the week when everything happens, I know that’s pretty vague because define the term everything! Usually I love to tell people what’s going on, but right now, I think I need to be alone and to keep this all under lock and key. When I say that I’m busy, I’m not pushing anyone away, when I say that I have other plans, it really does mean that I have other plans.

I love blogging, it loosens up the mind, keeps it well oiled and makes it as sharp as a tack. Right now, I need to have some time to think, some time to bask in the glorious sunshine and some time to read some books under my favourite tree. Some of you will find your way to me. But here’s the thing, I will be taking a long break and I don’t exactly know when I will be back.

These past two and a half years have been great and I’ve certainly come a long way since I first started. I mean I’ve been many different people and I’m going to keep being different ūüėõ I’d like to thank you, my loyal readers, I know every blogger says this, but you really make all this worthwhile and I’m sure that I will have many stories to tell you and to share with you all upon my return!

I’m getting a bit dramatic here, all I’m really doing is going on blogging holiday… That’s a blogging vacation for my transatlantic cousins!

Anyway this Alex Wornast Signing off for the summer!

Catch You Later ūüźć

July 19

It Doesn’t Matter Now


Well I honestly have no idea why your name is there, but it is. I didn’t think that I knew you back then. I mean I knew your face, I knew your name, I knew that you did GCSE astronomy in year nine; I can only assume you knew just as much about me. Your name is there in your own handwriting, I honestly have no recollection of how it got there. As I write this, I’m crossreferencing, I’m over analysing the facts, I’m searching for an answer that doesn’t exist. All the evidence I need however, is on my desk.

I have to admit back in those days, you weren’t even on my radar.Perhaps if I’d taken an interest in the desks behind me in Biology instead of making friends with a dickishly smart Boris Johnson lookalike (who my best friend at the time apparently despised) then things would’ve been different. I was far too nerdy for my own good back then, perhaps you were the same. I do suspect you weren’t obsessed with mathematical models and I do suspect you were the girl who would’ve shattered my rationality into billions of tiny pieces. Either way though, I’m glad that things aren’t different.¬†

I’m no mind reader and I’m no psychologist either.Do you really think if I had the chance to become a student of the mind, that I’d give it up? I couldn’t tell what you wanted, but I suspected, I have my suspicions even to this day, but I keep them to myself. I never wanted to build rapport. Perhaps you’re not sure, after all you are indecsive even if you won’t admit it. Perhaps if you did admit it, you’d think that I’d think less of you. In many ways, I wondered if it was my inherrent nerdiness that put you off. But there is one thing that stands out above many things, our manipulative minds that obviously seek out different desires.

Perhaps the problem is the alchemy, the obsession with perfect models in an imperfect world. The models are rubbish, you know that, even I know that. They’re not even best fit. The byproduct of these is of course ‘Yennacism’, not that you know what I’m talking about. It’s most likely jibberish to you. Although even after all this time, I can’t help thinking what is in that scheming head of yours, what your next move will be and where exactly you will strike next. I hate to say it though, but if you think you have me all figured out, then you’ve barely scratched the surface. Either way none of this matters any more does it really? We’re both very highly successful people. We share many things, but while you are impressed by many things, I am not so easy to please. No, I think I get it, I think I understand, it’s none of my business anyway. If that is the way, if that truly is the way, then that is how it must be. But let’s face it,¬†doesn’t really matter though now does it?

Well I’ll let you be the judge of that as it’s not significant enough to me as it was a few months ago.

July 18

The Third Weekend Of July

Things have become hectic recently. Everything is go! But enough about that, I’ll get round to that when things start quietening down and I can begin to see the carpet again. Anyway, here’s a run down of this weekend:

  • Had a ridiculously hot bath.
  • Went to Tunbridge Wells.
  • Bought some new jeans in the next sale.
  • Went for a row in Dunorlan Park.
  • Got home about two.
  • Made egg salad for lunch.
  • Sorted out my bean bag.
  • Played pok√©mon go.
  • Bumped into a friend of mine who was apparently calling my name for ages.
  • Found out that my pub was a pok√©stop, so I had a quick rum and coke in there.
  • Watched the thick of it (a political satire with a generous amount of swearing in it).
  • Studied some tsumego for a few hours. 
  • Read some psychological thrillers.
  • Made a right mess while removing some stuffing from my bean bag. there were polystyrene balls everywhere!
  • Went to bed early because I had to get up at 04:30AM on a Sunday to sell some rubbish at a car boot fair.
  • Sold some rubbish at a car boot fair.
  • Had a look at the donkey derby on King George’s field.
  • Friend of mine asked me to come round and fix her car, which is the Renault she picked up at a scrap yard a few months ago that I ended up fixing up for her. 
  • Blasted ‘she will be loved’ by maroon 5 in the hot sunshine as I messed around with it. 
  • We went to the forest to test if it was fixed.
  • Turns out that there’s a problem with the alternator. 
  • Walked home in defeat.
  • Got home about three.
  • Watched a scouts guide to the zombie apocalypse.
  • Played a puzzle game that primarily consists of hacking into computers.
  • Flew a plane from Gatwick to Geneva (on FSX).
  • Went to pizza express. 
  • Had a dream about inviting some of my friends round to play a strategy game that I don’t think exists.

And finally I ran out of pineapple juice!!!

      July 15

      Gabbling With Pokémon Go


      Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, the moment you have all be waiting for, it’s time for me to talk about the new mobile game for mobile that’s taking the world by storm.

      So My Friend Who Went To Sunny Mexico Played It

      They asked me the stupid question of “Have you heard of Pok√©mon go.” needless to say, I pretty much listed the entire series of Pok√©mon games apart from a few gameboy colour games and the latest versions. If I’m honest the entire idea of it sounded a little bit rubbish, but after downloading it for myself, I realised it was something that I actually liked.

      It’s Pok√©mon Meets Geocaching In An Epic Augmented Reality Experience

      Okay I’ll admit, I’ve bigged it up massively here. What I mean to say is it’s alright, it’s not perfect, but it’s good enough.

      Basically You Go Walking Around Hunting For Pokémon

      That’s a lot of karp….

      This is pretty much the starting point of everything. You gain experience from catching Pokémon and visiting pokéstops

      There’s Places You Can Visit

      Pokéstops can be anywhere. It just so happens that this one is on my train route.

      No prizes for guessing that they’re called pok√©stops. You can get items, pok√©balls and eggs from these sites. You have to spin the bit in the middle though to get it to work. After spinning you will gain experience and various items. It will also turn purple for five minutes which means that during that time you will be unable to use it again.

      And Of Course There Are Gyms

      You have to be level 5 to battle in a gym of course. At level 5 you’ll also be asked to choose which team you want to be part of. You have a choice of three which are instinct, mystic and valor. Teams control the Gyms and will show the respective team’s colour. You can a Pok√©mon in a gym if it white, which shows that it is unclaimed.

      A gym controlled by team Valor

      But It’s Novelty Soon Wears Off

      He says after spending an entire lunchtime outside trying to find Pok√©mon…

      And While The Capture Mechanics Are Cool, I Can’t Help Thinking, They Could’ve Been Better

      My favourite Pok√©mon game would have to be Pok√©mon ranger for the Nintendo DS. You know, that one where you ended up scratching your screen due to all the rapid loop drawing that you had to do around the Pok√©mon. Seriously though, if you’ve never played them, play them now or come to my house! I mean compared to the games that I’m used to, the capture mechanics are a little bit too simplistic for me.

      Not To Mention The Evolution Mechanics Aren’t Great Either

      It uses a system called candies and for your Pok√©mon to evolve you have to acquire a certain number of candies from catching Multiples of that Pok√©mon. Let me tell you, it’s a bit of a grind


      But At Least Eggs Work The Same Way

      Basically you put the egg in an incubator and walk. Nothing has really changed there at all.

      But In Some Cases, It Really Isn’t Worth Hatching Them…

      Seriously I walked two miles just to watch a Magikarp hatch from an egg… You can make an assumption that I was not particularly impressed. I wouldn’t have minded so much if it didn’t require 400 (YES 400) Magikarp candies to evolve into Gyarados. It doesn’t take a genius to figure that’s gonna take a while does it?

      Did I Mention That It’s Only Officially Out In The UK As Of Yesterday

      Of course I like many other’s just downloaded an apk, but I can confirm that it has officially been released in the UK now. Which is pretty great!

      Also You Can Spot People A Mile Off Who Are Playing It

      They’re just walking around with their phone in their hand and then they’ll suddenly just stop. Then if they’ve got the AR on, you’ll see them making an absolute complete fool of themselves whilst trying to find where the Pok√©mon actually is. Otherwise, they’ll just look a bit shifty and weird. Some of them may even be so engrossed in their device, that they won’t see your car either. For goodness sake, be careful….

      So My Final Verdict?

      Oh it’s atrocious, but I love it!

      Note: Images are not mine, screenshots are of official gameplay from my own mobile device. I do not hold the rights to any of the imagery.

      July 1

      The dilemma

      I ran, I ran and I ran, barging through people without a singular shred of regard for them. I was in trouble, I knew that. My watch continued to flash more violently as I continued to sprint through the masses. “Move out of the bloody way!” I said in an aggressive manner to the slow bumbling people. My patience was dwindling like a the glow of a dying fire, hot white anger and frustration was making its way through my veins.

      After running for fifteen minutes, I had arrived. I sat down in the chair and drummed on the table in an inpatient manner. A fingerprint and an iris scanned appeared. “scanning commencing” said the machine in robotic voice as it proceeded to scan my eyes and fingerprint and also neurologically scan me for purposes of my own wellbeing. “Identification confirmed,” it said “You appear to be experiencing high levels of stress, deep breathing is a recommended and proven method to reduce stress levels” I rolled my eyes at the wretched machine. “The only thing I need love is a cup of friggin’ tea! Now fling me down the chute you hoity toity machine!” I cracked my knuckles in anticipation, smoothed back my hair and was flung down the chute into a clean white room with plain washed walls and incredibly bright lights that always blinded me on arrival.

      “Ah there you are Nick!”
      Lucas was annoying I hated Lucas!
      You know we’ve been waiting for you?”
      Correction Lucas is annoying and thick skulled.
      “Have a wafer.”
      I took a wafer from the packet, bit into it and spat it all over the floor.
      Oh and now he carries around wafers that taste like goat; that’s just great

      I was taken to the usual control room. “How’s our infrastructure,” I asked Mark.
      “It’s fine,” he said whilst hunching over a computer screen, “Take a look at this though.” It was the satellite. It appeared that it had been knocked out of orbit. I held my head in my hands “please tell me this isn’t happening,” I said. I was hoping that this had all been a bad dream, but it wasn’t. “Is it online? Can you ping it?” I questioned. Of course these were the obvious places to start, but to be honest, the people who ran my facilities could be right ninnies most of the time. “We lost contact at 10:49, we have had nothing since”
      “Oh great, so what you’re saying is that we’ve got twenty tonnes of scrap metal in orbit around earth without jamming?” I scratched my chin whilst trying to anticipate what to do next. “Lucas, make yourself useful and chuck us a pen will you, I need to make some calculations,” I said firmly. He nodded his head and saluted me. I rolled my eyes as if to say Run along now you idiot.

      June 29

      Do You Take American Express?

      So you’ve stepped off the plane at Gatwick and all you have is an American Express. Congratulations, you’re going to look like an absolute idiot for the entirety of your trip because nowhere will take it. I lie of course because I myself an American Express card and apparently I’m the most British person in the entirety of Great Britain, which I guess by extension makes the most British person on the planet, which itself is an interesting concept.

      Actually I’m Selling You A Lemon.

      Not literally, I’m a lemon consumer, not a producer. I’m pretty sure that most establishments (apart from the dodgey pub down the road which has a very shifty barman) accepts American Express, however it has become a bit of a running joke in certain films and yes for a while I found it particularly amusing that my father couldn’t use his new fancy credit card with contactless payments. Of course, back in those days, it was well new and revolutionary, whereas now I would consider it the norm despite the lack of people in the group without one, but I’ll ignore this because I’m letting my mind wonder into the realms of contactless.

      What I Mean Is, I’ve Just Told You A Lot Of Bull!

      I just realised that the terminolgy I used in the previous subtitle may confuse people, so I thought I’d make this crystal clear. I lied, a majority of places do accept it. I mean if you were really feeling brave, you could just leave your visa credit at home, because let’s face it, who wants to go traipsing with a shed load of Great British Pounds?¬†

      Although Seriously Just Use Your Phone

      One day very soon, I’m probably going to be using a digital wallet and I’m probably going to take one look at the code and say “Actually, no thank you!” Because hackers are more ruthless and persistent than you realise these days!

      Tl;dr – There’s actually no point to this post

      Seriously, it’s quite rubbish! Come back on Friday instead, because that one is actually a follow on to the post known as¬†Tearoom Days. Oh and if you really want to know who accepts Amercian Express, here’s a link!

      June 28

      Come With Me; If You Like

      I see you sitting there staring at me. Do you have something to say or are you just going to stand there all day and gorp? Perhaps you don’t recognise me, for these past three years have developed four independent models each of varying lifespans. Either way, I really don’t have time for this; my schedule is tight, but time is not my enemy here, it is but a gentle reminder to keep moving and a push to think quicker.

      I have something that I have to do, are you with me or without me because I have no interests in chasing wild geese. There is great urgency for this action that will boom much louder than anyone who speaks words. There will be consequences, there will be judgement. You want to open your mouth, you want to say you know who I am, but it’d be a lie. You don’t know me; perhaps you never will. Being dynamic is part of my nature, change is part of my nurture. Adaptability and fluidity is what I strive for, freedom and variety is what I seek, whereas ethical use of power is something that I must learn.

      Do you remember that time when we tossed a coin? We ended up in London where we tried to save the Queen. How many chances have you taken recently? I suspect it isn’t too many… You’re not really a risk taker are you? I see fear in your eyes when my striking gaze pierces your soul. I am not a good man, but I am of course by no means a bad man, you know that at the very least.

      Tell me, do you believe everything you hear? Tell me do you believe everything you read? How can you truly trust your mind that manifests imperfections, a mind that manipulates its environment, a mind that’s constantly calculating and a mind that’s messing with you. Perhaps you’ve grown used to it, perhaps it doesn’t bother you or perhaps you programmed yourself not to care. Either way, I guess it’s none of my business really is it?

      I yawn, placing my hand over my mouth in a polite manner. I smile warmly at you, I have to go, you know that. You want me to stay in a town I’ve outgrown. The world is beckoning me, it’s eagerly awaiting my move. I am but playing a giant game of chess. Perhaps I will see you again, perhaps I won’t. That doesn’t matter because you don’t need me anymore, but that doesn’t mean that you want me to go. Maybe in another universe you’d join me, but in this one, you’d rather sit on a bench and wait. I have to tell you, I’ll never understand your logic or what you’re waiting for, but then again who am I to judge?

      June 24

      Brexit – It’s Now Real

      I suspected it, I knew it was going to happen. Could I stop it? No I could not, it was beyond my control. Did you really think I could though? When I woke up this morning at 05:30, I hoped that it was a nightmare. Brace yourselves everyone the people have decided that Britain should be single again, the pound is plummeting, but most importantly my alcoholic uncle has got his way!

      I’m not saying that it’s necessarily a bad thing that Brexit has been decided, but it has made a bit of a mess this morning. It’s like the entire of the United Kingdom (except for Scotland) had a house party, drank too much and coated the floor in vomit. It’ll take a while to clean up. But it can’t be that bad, I mean the sun is actually shining for once. It all appeared to be a little too much for little Dave though this morning when he resigned. Let’s face it, we all knew that he would…

      So now we have paperwork to fill out, lots and lots of paperwork. Doesn’t that sound fun? I can’t really tell you what is going to happen.

      So we’ve decided to leave, what should we do? Well for starters I guess we can bring back 3000 watt kettles to drink copious amounts of tea while we wait for the pound to stabilise again. Now is the time for ideas people and creative geniuses, it’s time for Britain to make a new model! Of course it may take a while for us to actually leave, because like I said PAPERWORK.

      So if I couldn’t stop it, I might as well support the decision. I applaud the United Kingdom for its decision, I applaud Mr. Farrage because he so to speak has got his country back. Hell if I’d thought about betting on all this stuff, I could’ve been raking it in. Even better, I could’ve converted all my pounds to dollars! I even applaud Boris Johnson, because although I’m not his biggest fan (far from it) he has certainly had a big impact on the outcome of all of this. I shall assist you all with your necessities, I will help you because I understand its importance to you.

      Am I scared? No I’m not scared, nor am I fearful. After all, you can’t control everything can you really? That would be ludicrous! I wonder if people realise how patronising that sounds actually… What ever happens happens, whatever in turn of that happening happens and so on and so forth. Believe it or not, I’m actually excited for the future. After all we all know that things only get better with age.

      Congratulations I guess. let’s work to make this right! Oh and for goodness sake, be reasonable…

      June 22

      A list of things I do on trains

      • Place my phone on the table in front of me at an approximate angle of 45 degrees towards the window
      • Read books
      • Read over people’s shoulders
      • Sleep
      • Surf
      • Engage in the sport of people watching
      • Flick through the metro
      • Have thought showers
      • Scowl at people who cough in my face
      • Answer passengers queries
      • Listen to music
      • Spy on people
      • Watch how the country green turns into a dull urban grey
      • Tut because my train is delayed
      • Poke my tired eyes
      • Bop my head
      • Suss out the conductor
      • Do Tsumego
      • Gaze in awe at the slowness of London overground trains
      • Meditate
      • Headbang
      • Try to figure out if the plane outside the window has taken off or is coming in to land
      • Wink at crows