Life is surreal

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“Y’know,” I said whilst taking a huge bite into the side of a bright green apple, “life’s a surreal experience.” My brother stared at me in bemusement, “how?” he said quizzically. I just shook my head and laughed. You see, much of life is defined by logic, I’ve a mathematical mind by nature and when someone asks me to paint a picture, well, I leave that to a certified artist; Human nature however is often not a logical or rational thing. Sure you can analyse its patterns , sure you can put people into boxes, but what you’ll begin to realise is that it’s not all black and white.

Perhaps you’ll write rulebooks, perhaps you’ll let them define who you are. Perhaps you’ll meet people, perhaps you’ll change because of their judgement. Perhaps you’ll learn not to care, but there will be some things you will still care about, because let’s face it, who really cares that it rains all day in Britain? One day you’ll have everything and the next, you’ll have nothing, but then again, that’s very much business as usual. Play the game, play it well or it will play you. Focus on what feels right, but don’t let that cloud your judgement.

Maybe you’ll create theories, I suspect you already have, you make guesses about how people will react in a given circumstance of course it’s not always that simple, but experience makes that easier to understand.

Sometimes when I played the game I won, other times, I lost but won in other ways, sometimes I was surprised by the game’s simplicity, sometimes I was crushed by my own defeat. But then there were other times, where I ran around like a headless chicken. No direction, no clue, yet all the energy in the world.

One day the universe drained me of my power. I laid lifelessly in my bed for a few days and drank until I felt physically sick, but not mentally anymore. I remained like this for many months. Alive on the outside, yet dead on the inside.

And then one day, the universe gave me my power back. Things started to change, maybe I killed him, that man for even I was ashamed of him for now in his place standing tall is him or rather me, who I am and not who I used to be. Confident, comfortable and capable. My only limitation? Boredom and lack of mental stimulation from what I used to describe as challenges.

I once questioned the difference, I once asked what’s changed. In a way I’d say there’s a lot of things that have changed, but in other ways, well, they haven’t. Perhaps they don’t need to. Your future? Well I don’t even know mine so how can I know yours? My future, well it’s unresolved, my mind can’t quite comprehend the dizzy heights of it all yet.

One thing I can say is that most people I meet, they resign themselves to a future that doesn’t expect anything from them. To me that sounds boring, don’t tell me that you don’t agree with me, tell me you’re different.

Am I evil or am I good? Maybe I don’t have an alignment, perhaps I’m neutral or perhaps my acts of good and evil cancel each other out. Either way, I know they don’t exist, these concepts I read once in an ancient library inside my mind. There are books there, fables of a past life, of an ancient empire that was burned down by a malevolent and blood thirsty tyrant.

Some people take life to seriously, they get wrapped up in it all and want explanations for everything. They thought I was a bit of an arsehole. Maybe is all I can say to that. Consider this, does the world exist if it isn’t observed, an extension to the classic of a tree falling in a forest.

Some days I woke up vengeful, on the warpath. I lost my faith in humanity, I learned to despise everything. I shouted, I cursed and like Cave Johnson took to the battlefield with combustible lemons to burn life’s house down. Cold and cynical yet down to earth.

One day I had to speak with sadness in my voice. I made a room of sad faces burst into tears, perhaps regretful that a man they hated so much could be such an icon to his adopted grandchildren when he married my grandmother.

One day someone restored my faith in humanity that day, someone dear to me ran away.

But out of all of these moments, do any of them feel sane, do any of them feel real. If you can predict exactly what’s going to happen, is it really living? This is a question I ask myself as I tie up my laces and recite the numbers from one to one hundred backwards. Does everything really exist? As I gaze into the darkness of my room I seriously begin to doubt it.

Midnight Thoughts

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“Alex?”
“Mmmm?”
“What’s up?”
“Nothing much,” I replied as I smiled and stared at the ceiling in bewilderment.

The night air was filled with the sound of the gentle pitter-patter of rain, peaceful and hypnotic noise. Calming and comforting and only amplifying the coziness of the house. Things have changed, they have changed a lot in recent months, in recent years, but still I kept my logic. I cling to it as monkey’s tail clings to the trees, swinging from branch to branch as each opportunity comes.

Let me tell you something, perfection’s exahausting, but to me, good enough quite simply isn’t good enough. It is the enemy of my best, of your best, of anyone’s best, but it easier. I guess that’s why people settle for second best, why people don’t try to be better, why no one says “it has to be perfect” anymore, because it doesn’t, because you can’t be perfect. That’s not human. To be perfect, you have to become a machine, give up your humanity. Become cold, become hard, become a ruthless tyrant who rules with an iron fist because they understand what it means to be tough. But if you want to be great, should rule with compassion, with kindness and out of love or would you trade this all for absolute power?

There are people who still believe in the good of mankind. Am I one of those people,or do I condemn them due to my lack of sympathy and cold-heartedness? How could I hate humankind, when I see such purity in her eyes. A kind and giving soul who encourages me to live the way I know how to, not a way that I feel trapped into to prove myself superior. Someone who has shown nothing but kindness towards me, but most importantly someone who loves me for who I am and for who I decide to become.

And they are again, tears, just like the ones outside.

Ah Seattle, I Could Get Used To You

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So it’s 2am again and yet again, I’m being told off for still being awake. I doubt I’ll finish this post in one short session, so this’ll probably come at some really weird time or on a regular scheduled post slot. 

Adventure Awaits!

I wanted the freedom to do some exploring, so I decided to get a rental car and so after going through the ridiculously long process of looking for a rental company, who will actually be willing to lend me a car (and of course the joys of insurance), I signed my life away and was handed the keys to a very nice Toyota Camry. Now usually, I’m not really a fan of Toyotas, they look like the sort of thing some old man would drive. 

The only gripe I have with him is his lack of orange paint!

I decided to call this car Seraphina as a tribute to a character from my favourite webcomic, unordinary. My girlfriend, who came to meet me at the airport, decided that it looked more like a bloke and so we settled for Joshua. 
Now because my core sleeping hours are between 10pm and 1:30am, I was able to readjust my sleeping pattern quite well on the plane. Naturally, I wasn’t tired, so I dropped off my girlfriend, let her sleep (because she was quite clearly exahausted) and drove around the 217 square kilometres that the city has to offer. Now by far the most impressive building that is in Seattle is probably the space needle! 

This little guy is 604 feet tall. That’s approximately 184 metres or (for those of you who are hyper nerds) 6 metres shorter than the Gherkin! Shhhh, no I did not ask my Google assistant for any of these figures… Let tell you, the skyline here is far more impressive than that of many cities I have visited. My early morning drive also got me well aquainted with the area. 

Before I knew it, 9AM rolled around

And man, was I hungry. Sure I could’ve just gone to McDonald’s and bought a hashbrown and a greasy breakfast bap, but if your girlfriend offers to make you proper American style pancakes, you’re not likely to refuse are you? They were pretty darn good and certainly sated the appetite I worked up from my midnight wanderings. 

And then we went to the furry convention

Now my character is a lion called Archon, my girlfriend’s is a more simplistic, but is still rather effective! Now for those of you who haven’t done their research, there tends to be quite a large amount of drinking at these things, so we left Joshua and took some public transport.

When we arrived, I was pretty amazed

Fursuits are pretty darn cool, but they’re also pretty darn expensive, hence why, I don’t own one. Everyone was pretty friendly and exclaimed “Omg you’re British.” because apparently, I have the most British accent in the world! I’m not really sure what to say about it really other than you should probably go to one, because what’s not fun about interacting with a load of people about something interesting? Anyway we eventually staggered out (too much wine) and headed to some place for dinner!

Possibly the best burger restaurant?

I’m not going to argue here, red robin is probably one of the finest burger joints that I have ever had the pleasure of dining at. Of course a Whiskey River® BBQ burger and a bottomless glass of iced tea is probably by far the best combination. 

Come on now, go to sleep

I’m being beckoned to sleep, but I still want to explore, so before my phone is snatched away by her, I shall bid you all goodnight More stories for another time! 

Hello Seattle

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Finally, I’m here! I’ve got through customs and have arrived in Seattle. 

I love long journeys

The longest journey I ever had was probably when I went to Australia at the age of seven, although, unsurprisingly I was traveling with my parents at this time. While a ten hour flight might seem like a long time to most people, if you have a few decent books to finish and some writing to do, the time will quite literally fly by! 

Subliminal Songs

Back in 2008, which just so happens to be the last time that I was here, I went to Florida with my parents. At the time that we went, the new owl city album ocean eyes was released and the third track of this album was of course “Hello Seattle”. I recently dug through my music collection and about 45% of them have some reference to the city.

Sleep is for nighttime stuff

As a polyphasic sleeper, I’m used to incredibly short cycles of sleep. My general pattern matches that of an Everyman sleep cycle, which consists of three point five hours of core sleep and four twenty minute naps. So I constantly get told to go to sleep in the middle of the night. In fact, the fact that anyone is awake at 2am (which is about the time I landed) is surprisingly odd to me. Most people I know are usually going to bed while I’m waking up.

Tomorrow, I’m going to a furry convention

Or maybe I should say today… That’s right, at 12:30 PST, (20:30 BST) I will be going to a furry convention. This will be a new experience for me, I’ve read up on my facts, prepared my fursona and well, I think I have everything I need. 

So Hello Seattle, you beautiful place!

I could get comfortable here! 

I hate pears!

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​”I swear down Alex, if you’ve eaten a pear again, I am not going to be pleased.”

Shhhh, you know nothing!

There is no fruit quite as disatisfying as a pear. These completely unique shaped fruits generally have a disgusting wooly texture to them. In fact, if you are one of the few people who can somehow tolerate the scourge that is the pear, then I for one applaud you for your poor taste in fruity treats!

Pears are usually green

But you do occasionally get little brown pears that are shriveled, fermented and probably slightly alcoholic because of this. I reckon a fresher could probably find a way of getting drunk off about fifty of these seeing as it is every university student’s mission these days to drink enough alcohol to drown a small child in

If you like pears so much, why don’t you put it on your pizza?

Pear pizza truly is something to yelch about, unlike pineapple which quite clearly does and should belong on pizza.

And of course there’s this dilemma!

If a fair and just God existed, he wouldn’t allow the pear to exist! Although, knowing our almighty lord, the pear was probably the forbidden fruit and because Adam was so tempted by this wretched pathetic excuse for a fruit, he kept it in this world to punish us.

So if you like pears, you probably like being punished…

Which probably means you’re into really strange kinky things in the bedroom.

Even the Doctor doesn’t like pears

So seriously, just compost it!

Because your plants will love it and really, that’s all it’s good for!

From Software Engineer To Catapult Engineer

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For my birthday, I was lucky enough to get Da Vinci Catapult kit. Now for those of you who are unsure as to what this actually is, it’s a small working scale model that’s actually pretty powerful! 

Let’s talk Physics

Ugh, not physics, please anything but Physics. So this is a single armed catapult, Da Vinci did actually create a double armed one. Now the Physics behind this is solely based on the tension of the rope (or in my case string) on the catapultis what allows it to fire with so much force and much less effort than the standard catapult that we all know and love from the first century of the common era (that’s AD for all of you who still live in the past).

But seriously, I could probably do a lot of damage with this

In fact if I was hooligan who walked around in an ape-like manner, then: one, I probably wouldn’t be able to build this, because I:d be too uncivilised and wouldn’t possess enough brain power to follow instructions and two, if by some miracle I managed to get my hands on one of these, I could go smash some windows with it. 

So, how does it actually work?

Okay, so we’ve established that there is tension in the ropes on either side. There is a block wood which stops it from moving and holds the tension in the ropes. If we remove that, the tension releases converting all that potential energy into kinetic energy. Absolutely fascinating

And of course, it is a marvel to look at

It just took me forty-five minutes to build. Here are some more pictures of it and a video of it in action!

I’m Twenty; Now It’s Crunch Time!

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So here’s the day I was waiting for. My day of judgement, my day of reckoning. As I take a look back at my life, I accept that I truly have achieved a lot.

At 06:53 in the morning, two decades ago, I was born.

I was fed up of my mother’s uterus and decided to leave it two weeks earlier than everyone anticipated

As a result, I was yellow.

Juandice is quite common in new born babies, especially when they are born as prematurely as myself. So I was incubated, pricked with lots of needles and fed for a few days before I went home

Meanwhile, there was a flood in my house.

Apparently a water pipe burst causing some flooding a few days after I was born. So it’s probably just as well that I wasn’t at home. 

Thursday’s child has far to go

You know the daft old rhyme that your parents tell you.

Monday’s child is full of face, Tuesday’s child is full of grace, Wednesday’s child is full of woe, Thursday’s child has far to go, Friday’s child child is loving and giving Saturday’s child works hard for a living and then of course you have Sunday’s child who is apparently bonnie, blithe, good and gay. 

I digress, on this list, I’m Thursday’s child which means that I have far to go. Now I’ve always interpreted that as “I have a lot to learn” but what it’s actually supposed to mean is that I will have a lot of success over the years.

Like I’m sure most people would say, I never expected my life to turn out like this

It’s been long, it’s been hard, but finally at last I am the person who I have always wanted to be. 

My standards and expectations are high

They always have been. 

But I found what I was searching for. Resolution was easy to find when I gave myself the kick I needed

I’m sure most people think this post is jibberish by now, so I’m just going to round this off. 

Sleep well everyone!

It’s June

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It’s been a while since my last post, too long in fact. I thought I’d write a post to let you know what’s going on.

I now use Britain’s biggest carpark every weekday

Of course, I am talking about the infamous M25, which in truth, for me, hasn’t been to bad yet. Now I have said this however, I’ll most likely be halted there until my twentieth birthday.

Introducing Truly Tetracious

A long time ago (four years ago), I had a YouTube channel. Now four years on, I will be returning to the wonderful video sharing site to resurrect a space style adventure in SCHINE’s sandbox universe of StarMade. Dates for release of this series are still to be decided, although I am delighted to say that recording is underway. The channel will also be a great extension to the blog.

The Tetrapod

Think of them more like audioposts, because that’s what podcasts are really. Well, at least in my eyes anyway.

Yes I do still make time to play the piano too

I honestly don’t know where I find all the time to do this stuff.

But yes, Tetracious is growing

Much like GreatTree in my favourite game of all time.

And thank you for all your comments, I’ve just read them all

And welcome to all my new regular readers!

Tetracious Merch?

Some of you might have heard rumours that I am in process of writing a book. This is true. I’m currently identifying a market for other merchandise including mugs, t-shirts and stuff.

What’s happening to the Tetranet?

The Tetranet project is still very much alive. If you have an idea for a blog post or would like to be featured on Tetracious, pop an email through to me at alex.wornast@trulytetracious.uk

And that’s about it

Stay tuned, fresh new posts coming soon!

The Craziest Brit Between Three Countries

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I hopped on the flybus just after ten minutes past six in the morning to catch the flight to Gatwick for the next leg of my adventure, armed with my twenty-five litre rucksack, a ridiculous amount of energy, my owl t-shirt and of course the puffin I bought in Iceland! 

Today, I have been to three capitals!

This is a record for me. On my journey to Besançon, I started at Reykjavik, grabbed the Eurostar at London and got off at Paris. Is that an impressive feat? I’m not sure. I then proceeded to navigate the Paris metro (RER) where I managed not to get lost. Well, I say that, I did do a lot of fumbling around with tickets and I said “Gare De Lyon” so many times that I probably resembled Mr. Bean when he wanted to go on holiday to Cannes  I call that quite an achievement. 

I absolutely stink!

Probably because I haven’t showered and have done a ridiculous amount of sweating… 

Although my breath is lemony-fresh

Thanks to the twenty-five pack of citrus gum that I bought in Iceland! 

Let’s start at the beginning then shall we?

I arrived at the airport and headed straight for security. Where both my bag and my coats were stopped. Both of these were in different trays. The most bizarre thing was that they stopped one and then just gave me the tray, while the other went back through the x-ray machine. Of course both were fine. It is however the most bizarre experience I’ve had with airport security! 

Then as usual Easyjet overbooked the flight

*Slowclap* well done there to Easyjet…  I was disappointed to not see anyone get chucked off the flight. 

But lame joking aside, because of this our flight was delayed

So I had a little “micro-panic” where I zoomed through Gatwick airport in approximately twenty minutes to catch a Thameslink to St Pancras. There was loads of time, I don’t know what I was worried about! 

I arrived fifty minutes before my Eurostar train and had to go through security again…

Where I met some Americans who I guess were in their sixties. Anyway, after going through security again (which was pretty much the same as airport security minus the 100ml rule. 

When I got on the Eurostar, this French woman was having a moan

So I gave her my seat and befriended a frequent Eurostar user whose wife and kids live in France. This woman didn’t want to sit next to this man, she wanted him to move so she could sit with her daughter, so I politely offered her my seat, as I wasn’t in the mood for hearing people squabbling about petty little matters that was actually easily resolvable. She didn’t seem particularly greatful of me giving up my seat for her so she and her daughter could sit together. Honestly, some people don’t know their luck. No wonder people think French people are rude, most people I know would be really grateful!

I was probably in the UK for about three and half hours, before I entered foreign territory again

Cool story bro, nees more dragons!

Call me mad, but I actually like to use trains for both commuting and for leisure.

Oh wait, right, yeah I forgot, I’m the craziest Brit between three countries! I actually prefer trains to airplanes too. Probably because there’s more space and that it’s easier to walk around a train than it is a plane. 

My advice for Eurostar is to get the standard premium seats

They only cost about twenty quid more, they’re more comfortable and you get a meal and free wine! Today I got roast beef with coleslaw, some bread and a chocolate brownie with some red wine. I then finished off with a tea and a biscuit. It really is a no brainer! It’s also certainly better than a flight offered by British Airways, although it’s probably not as quick. 

With my new friend, we talked about various topics

Including how stupid it was to let people decide on whether the UK should or should not leave the EU. Honestly, that vote was sad, because people didn’t vote for the truth, they believed lies that were told to them. Sheep, who believed the media’s lies and, trusted a man with a ridiculous haircut and that the only way to save their beloved NHS was to leave the EU. But this really is another post for another time. 

We also talked about various experiences that we’d had, phones, technology and how much of an adventure that I was truly on. What I also found pretty cool was that this guy had also visited Iceland, so we were able to share our experiences with each other. We also talked about talking to people on trains and how people just don’t do it for some reason, even though if you do talk to people, then the journey goes much quicker! 

Help, I’m British!

I arrived at Paris Gare Du Nord and blimey, I fumbled around for a bit. For my final train, I had to get the TGV from Paris Gare De Lyon which Google told me would be roughly eight minutes on the RER (effectively the London underground of Paris). I tried to get a ticket from the machine and it just didn’t like me. I was of course using the wrong machine… It gave me a tiny ticket, in fact, I was so surprised by its size that I thought it had given me a bus ticket! My tactics were to go to every information desk and say the words Gare De Lyon which I’m sure just screamed the words “Help, I’m British and rubbish at speaking your language” 

But I did make it to Paris Gare De Lyon

And then fumbled around again trying to find the mainline train… I had an eticket so I didn’t need to muck around with validating train tickets or queuing at a machine to get a naff bit of paper. I rather didn’t want to be chucked off the train for having an invalid ticket… So of course, I looked like a right donkey trying to scan this eticket in the wrong place. 

I eventually realised that I needed to go upstairs and wait in zone two

So I did, until the platform came up on-screen. I then got on the train and got in the wrong seat. I quickly corrected this and sat in the right seat. Surprisingly the French like it when we joke that we’re all bumbling fools. 

The train to Besançon was glorious

Seriously, first class was so luxurious! I thought it was necessary considering that I was traveling pretty much through the majority of France. This was only 94€ which I didn’t deem as too expensive. 

There were weeping angels in the park

Well at least this is what they looked like when I got off the train. 

I gave my skittles to a hobo

Because I didn’t have any euros on me and I was just scoffing an entire bag in front of him. So he got my skittles!

And I didn’t know what a cathedral looked like

When I arrived in Besançon, I was told to go to the cathedral with a massive. In the end I had to wait by a merry-go-round while someone came to find me. I arrived just before midnight. So in the end, everything worked out pretty well!

And that’s it!

This post came out two days late. So whoops. This is the last post of April. Bring on May!

The Maddest Brit In Iceland: Day Three

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I did not miss Jeremy Corbyn on this bustravel tour! I much prefered our new guide for the south coast tour, which is where I went today. 

The tour guide was much more interesting than the day before

I am probably saying this because I was preoccupied with sorting out some stuff for my gold DofE qualifying expedition. I know,I know, I’m meant to be on holiday, not answering emails about Scouting! 

We saw a waterfall flowing upwards

Because the winds were so strong! Normally waterfalsls don’t defy gravity, but this one certainly did momentarily. Of course, what goes up, must come down, so it wasn’t entirely disobeying gravity, merely rebelling against it like a stroppy teenager. 

And then proceeded to get soaked by one

There was a very impressive waterfall that made the ones you’d see in the UK look like a massive joke! Thankfully I had my full waterproofs on, so I wasn’t particularly soggy, only on the outside. 

We then went to the “most dangerous beach in the world”

Sounds like a joke right? Let me tell you, it is not. Loads of tourists die each year in Iceland because they don’t listen and get whisked away by the sea, where they die because of cold water shock. 

We then went to see a not very impressive glacier

It was not very impressive because it wasn’t particularly very big. It was also covered in fine particulates or basalt and gravel. In addition to this, we weren’t allowed to go past the sign due to the glacier being unstable. That, I thought, was a bit of a bum. 

Finally, we walked behind a waterfall

That makes it sound like I literally walked through a waterfall. That does sound very impressive, but while I might be the Maddest Brit In Iceland (at least for now) I’m not THAT mad. There was in fact a path that lead around the back of the waterfall. 

And got soaked again!

No one ever tells you how wet that you’re going to get when you walk behind a waterfall, still as I said earlier, at least I had my waterproofs!

We arrived back in Reykjavik where it was sunny

The temperature was exactly the same as it was in East Grinstead surprisingly, so I got changed out of my wet clothes and put on clothes that I thought were much more reasonable for these temperatures! Of course for me that means t-shirt, jeans and standard jacket rather than thermals, fleece and ski jacket. 

We also found more statues

My friend decided that it was appropriate to pose with a statue, which actually looked pretty cool. Because of this, I also decided to have my picture taken with the statue. 

Then we balanced some rocks on top of each other

It was actually surprisingly easy to do. The beach was full of these rock stacks. In Iceland, they call them seristeinvarða but they’re also called cairns in the UK. The purpose of these were to help people find their way around before the days of GPS and mobile phones. A bit like a waypoint. I was quite proud of mine to say the least.

Before packing up and trying to sleep

Of course Icelandic people love to stay up late even if you have to get up at 05:30 in the morning! I can however forgive them for butchering Queen’s I want to break free, although, I really shouldn’t… All in all, not a bad trip! Next stop, France! So they were partying still at 23:00 and that was pretty late when you have to be up early!

And that concludes this post series!

I hope you all enjoyed it! If you want to read it again or missed a few, then you can click here to see all the editions of The Maddest Brit In Iceland!  I hope you all have a great day!

The Maddest Brit In Iceland: Day Two

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This is what Iceland’s all about, geysers and plate tectonics. It almost reminds me of the times I did Geography!

After putting up with the snoring in the room at 4am, I woke up again at roughly 7:40ish.

I put on my full waterproofs because the forecast suggested rain and headed for the kicthen for some water.

A minibus arrived to drop us off at the main drop off

Which wasn’t particularly far away from the accommodation. To put this into perspective about 700m. Then 63 people from 4 minibuses jumped onto this particularly striking green coach.

“British people never smile”

If that’s the case, am I really British? It’s true that while most of us Brits drink tea all day, wear top hats, eat scones and say the words “Golly gosh”. It’s also true that we’re extremely cynical and ridiculously sarcastic almost all the time. Still, we do smile, we just don’t do it particularly often. 

Our tour guide looked very much like labour party leader Jeremy Corbyn.

And he sent me to sleep within a few minutes! The Labour leader said that believed in trolls, elves and that Mt. Hekla is the gateway to hell. He also claimed to be bad at mathematics and would often get his left and right mixed up. In addition to this, his favourite phrase was “it’s really good” which is what he thought about EVERYTHING, so that was really good

First we went to look at some plates

No, I don’t mean plates that you eat off or plates you spin. Nor am I talking about a redpill theory that suggests that you should date many people at time, rather than just one. I’m referring to plates of earth crust. For those of you whose geography skills aren’t particularly tip-top, Iceland is on a constructive plate boundary, which means that the European and Asian plate (more commonly referred to as the Eurasian plate) is moving away from the North American plate at roughly a rate of 2.5cm per year. 

Then we went to go see a geyser

The famous Strokkur is one of Iceland’s most well-known​ geysers. That’s probably because it pushes water into the air every 6-10 minutes. This was the perfect opportunity to try out the slow-motion function on my pixel.

Iceland, you’re obsessed with puffins…

As forty-five minutes felt like an insanely large amount of time for a lot of the places we visited, so a quick trip to the gift shop, certainly killed a couple of minutes. I was absolutely delighted to see that there were puffins in pretty much every shop. I will point out though, that I was slightly concerned by some of them which were holding knives.

The waterfall was supposed to have dirty water

But I have never seen water so blue in my entire life!

There’s a lot of bull excrement in Iceland

Like the stories about elves and trolls, however there’s one story that took place on this waterfall that involved a man crossing the pool above the waterfall and the girl on the other side marrying him because he just did the impossible. What a load of rubbish eh?

Finally, I spent a full hour and a half chilling in a lagoon that despite its title, wasn’t particularly secret.

A much more natural looking and smaller lagoon than the blue lagoon, but it if really was so secret, then why were there so many people there? But yes, I must admit, it was good to relax for a change, I don’t do that particularly often, in fact, most things, I approach with a sense of neutrality. But the secret lagoon, was particularly good. I think the last time I went to a hot springs was a few years ago, but it certainly wasn’t quite as impressive (nor did it contain as much algae) as the one in Iceland. 

I then looked at some art work and a cat was rather scared of me

All in all a good day! Even though I didn’t get to eat any waffles because the waffle van was shut. Off to the south coast tomorrow so that should be interesting! Somehow I don’t think I’m going to meet my target of 31 posts…

The Maddest Brit In Iceland: Day One

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I love getting up at three o’clock in the morning, no seriously, I do! That might sound bonkers, but 5 hours of core Sleep and two twenty minute naps throughout the day is perfectly​ sufficient for me! We call that E5 in the polyphasic sleep pattern business.

This morning, I had a flight to catch

An Easyjet to Iceland and let me tell you, it was certainly a bizzare experience. Now I’m quite well accustomed to flying, I’ve been on a plane at least once a year for every year of my life! This means I’ve roughly been on a plane 19+ times and visited 12 different countries. 

So what’s Reykjavik like?

For the capital of Iceland, it’s certainly not what I expected. I think the best description of it is would be a mismash of Brighton, Crawley and Guildford, which as you’d expect from this combination, the result is rather underwhelming… Still, I think you’d get sick of walking around the same place for nine hours even with a free walking tour! At least there’s geocaching to do huh?

Although saying that, there are some pretty neat things about the capital

Although I wouldn’t recommend wandering around the Icelandic capital for nine hours, I’d say that there is enough, unless you’re​ the type who can waste all your days in trendy cafés! It would in fact be a much better use of your time to look at the museums, take advantage of the free walking tour, visit the cathedral that looks like a spaceship and if you are so inclined, there is a phallological museum. Nice one iceland, I’ve always wanted to go to “Willy museum”….

But I have to say that Reykjavik is probably the most bizarre place

And that’s very refreshing considering that the town that I love in was awarded “strangest place to live in the UK.’ Consider this for a second. Reykjavik actually has Christmas shops that sell decorations all year round… The locals are pretty adept at table football too! Either that or I am exceptionally bad at table football.

I mustn’t forget the “ultra-rare puffin shops” 

As soon as I arrived at the loft Hostel, which is where I will be staying for the next three nights, there was a room where you could put your bag. The key for this room was attached to a puffin, which I was absolutely thrilled about for some reason. My instant reaction was to go to a puffin shop, which are pretty much everywhere, and buy a puffin. So yeah, I bought a puffin… 

Their laid back attitude is also respectable

“þetta reddast” is Iceland’s national phrase and roughly translates to “it will fix itself”. That is a nice way of looking at things!

How did I end up in Iceland

An excellent question, glad you asked. This all started when a friend of mine (who I somehow managed to turn intoa geocaching machine) won some tickets to anywhere in Europe. So us being us, we decided that the most exciting (and actually most expensive) location in Europe would probably be Iceland. 

Wherever you go in the world, there will always be Americans

A rule of thumb that seems to ring true whenever I go anywhere! But I must say, I was certainly surprised to see quite so many people from America.

Now I love Americans, they have cool accents, but Reykjavik seems to be rather full of them. In fact, I had to double check the signs to see if I still was in Reykjavik, because so many people spoke English, card is taken everywhere and there were lots of American’s around. Absolutely smashing stuff, though considering making a withdrawal means you have to pay an extra charge on top. 

Tomorrow I will see Iceland in all its wonder

But for now, I’m going to rest my feet and relax. Ta Rah for now! 

Lemons!!!

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Hello everyone and welcome back to Tetracious Frustration, the only blog site powered by lemons… 

I eat entire lemons…

Most people I know have seen me eat an entire lemon at some point. Of course most people’s reaction to this is broadly similar and usually goes along the lines of “are you eating a lemon?” Which roughly translates to “stop eating that lemon like that, because it’s weird!

Before C4, I had a lemon

When I was revising for the fourth module of core mathematics (which included rotating trigonometric functions two pi radians around the x-axis), I found that eating a lemon would improve my concentration. So on the big day, I walked into the bistro, proceeded to eat an entire lemon and confuse the hell out of this girl that I met at the District Explorer Party, who tried to get into my mother’s car approximately seven months prior. This was a mistake, because my stomach disagreed with the mixture of egg, lemon and house’s of parliament sauce…

I even answered the door whilst eating one

Yeah, we don’t talk about that Alex… 

“I have never seen anyone eat a lemon like that”

This was the reaction that one of my teachers had once they witnessed me eating lemon. That was actually this time last year where I thought that my fingers were going to fall off due to the sheer volume of text that I needed to produce. 

Barbaric Tea

One year on from the shenanigans where I proceeded to smash a mug, in search of the perfect cuppa, I produced to produce a drink that contained a raw egg, lemons, ground ginger and some Dijon mustard. This drink was made with boiling water and had a bearable taste, until it went cold at least. 

But I think the true legacy of the lemon resides with the fact that I eat whole lemons

Because let’s face it, that’s pretty strange isn’t it? 

The birth of the sixth

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“Alex? Can you hear me? 

“Please don’t leave me!” 

“Fine! Don’t reply then.  😕”

When I awoke it was quiet, too quiet. I was disoriented, confused, not entirely sure of what had happened. “What was reality?” That was a question, I asked myself, “where am I?” was another. These questions weren’t that important, because I had to consider the possibility that I’d gone completely and utterly mad.

I hadn’t, that was certain. I saw the world as I always thought it was. I have to tell you, it was not a satisfactory experience to be right, but at least I had my power back. The drive I lost, the resolution I never thought that I would recover. At long last the 75th principle shattered like glass and the monkeys, well they were forever silenced. 

The fires of Tetracia burned brightly as the fire in my eyes returned bigger and brighter than ever before. Was I evil? Unlikely. My values? To keep raising the bar, to break the norm and to be extraordinary. I can feel it inside me, the fire, the drive, the power that my previous models craved so much. An empty library where once a dynasty sat is now mine, because even at the end of the day, a queen’s just a pawn with a bunch of fancy moves. 

It makes me wonder if he ever existed, if they ever existed. A wonderland down a rabbit hole. A fantasy wordl, but nothing more. The architect, the moderator, the burned, the critic and the idiot. So what am I? I am the sixth, the sixth model who sees the world as it is. Insensitive, hardheaded, everything I wanted, the person I would be. Is this it or is it merely an exercise he has put in place for me? 

I suspect it, bring it on. Let the chaos reign and watch me control it as if I was its master!

Argh…

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I’ve just spent four hours mucking around with insurance quotes and I don’t like any of them! This 31 post challenge is not going well 😂

Be Different!

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Prometheus was punished by the Gods for giving the gift of knowledge to man. He was cast to the bowels of the earth and pecked by birds

Argh! Bird, bird, bird, kill it, it’s evil!…

In Portal 2, the story of Prometheus was told by a turret who claimed to be “different.”

This turret was known as the ‘oracle turret’ and was found on the conveyor belt to be incinerated​. The oracle turret was different and told Chell  the story of Prometheus, to remember the name Caroline and to not make lemonade. These, of course, are references to events that become rather apparent later on in the game. 

Think about what other people do.

This is a question I’ve asked myself​ for the past year now and it’s one that’s really required a lot of observation. That’s not really something I’m used to. Just observing without formulating some form of opinion on it, is pretty difficult in a world where you were taught to be analytical and logical. 

And then do something else!

It is very easy to follow what other people do, because this is considered normal and that if you go against normal, then you’re some form of Psycho. Yes, that person who has decided not to drink, meditates and is actually adding value to their life “‘is a Psycho?’  Really? Let me ask you this question, is normal good enough for you? Would you rather be normal or extraordinary? Would you rather be progressive and dynamic or stagnant like pond water? I didn’t think so. Who cares what Mandy does? You’re running a marathon next month, grade 8 at piano, working towards your pilot’s license, go wingsuit diving at the weekends, run your own business and can easily beat most people at chess! Mandy on the other hand, probably doesn’t have much to offer than what’s between her legs. 

Hate something, change something.

Some of you may remember a television advertisement​ created by Honda, that first aired back in 2004. The title of this advert was “grr” and had an infectuous jingle that featured the lyrics “hate something change something.” This jingle was so popular, that many people downloaded it While the advert was designed to promote its new i-CTDi diesel car engine, you could interpret this as a way of improving everything and anything! What do you hate about yourself? Use that to improve yourself. 

What are YOUR values?

This is all about what you believe in, or rather, how you see the world through your eyes. It’s what drives you, what motivates you and it’s how you wake up every morning at 5AM, on as little as 3.5 hours of sleep without feeling exhausted! 

Add value to your life.

That means cut out the memes (you know who you are), that means taking up a new hobby, it means improving yourself. Figure out what your problem is and work on it, build new skills and work on building mental toughness. This will do wonders for your self-esteem, which is surprisingly lacking in today’s society…

What is your excuse?

I’ve lost count of the amount of people who “can’t be asked.” I’d say that if you can’t be bothered to put the effort in, then it’s not that important to you. I think most people I’ve met just have the wrong attitude towards​ things. If you want to achieve something, then you have to SHUT THE HELL UP AND GET ON WITH IT! I met an eighty-six year old who still skis and you can’t even leave the house. Sort it out, be inspiring to yourself, if not for anyone else, because sometimes the inspiration that you need doesn’t exist. Only you can create that!

Choose to be NORMAL and you’ll live an ordinary life, but choose to be different, and you’ll live an EXTRAORDINARY life!

That choice, is yours, but remember; don’t make lemonade!

Is it fixed now? Good, don’t touch it again!

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….

Alex… 

No, those holes in the back of the television are not for you to spit Ribena into

Liquid and electronics don’t mix

When I was six, I saw some holes in the back of the television and decided that it would be a ‘fun game’ to spit Ribena down the holes of the television. I was extremely surprised that it didn’t turn on after spitting effectively a quarter of a glass of the stuff into the back of the telly. I then had to explain to my father why the television didn’t work and why I was staring at a black box. 

The television that I ruined, looked very much like this.

As the son of an engineer, I’ve got used to fixing broken things.

I guess that’s why I’m in software development, although I should probably admit that half of my solutions to software defects, usually involve me banging my head against a desk, calling the computer “drunk” and calling over one of my colleagues who will usually say “you’ve sorted it in the wrong order.” 

Although, I’ll admit that DIY is definitely an acronym for destroy it yourself. 

In a way, this blog is a massive DIY project. I buy a server, I install software on it and configure it any which way I like and map the domain to the site. Bish bash bosh, simples as my meerkat counterpart would say. Over the years, I’ve added a few new features, migrated it over several different webhosts and broken it loads of times, but I’ve always fixed it eventually. After I fix it, I tell myself never to muck around with it again, but of course I listened to myself when I said that, I wouldn’t have run Linux as my primary operating system back in Sixth Form.

Admittedly​, I’ve had to tell my parents not to touch things

The TetraClump (which I’m thinking about replacing with a mini-stx build) is a cluster of raspberry pis, which I’ve had my fair share of board shortages with. Yes, I’m very good at murdering raspberry pis! Now the TetraClump does some highly secret stuff and has a decent amount of processing power. One of them is used for an alerting system which does make a terrible din and sends a notification to my pixel. What it effectively is, is a tracer that sends the digital signature to my phone and takes down the entire network. Unfortunately, it malfunctioned one day because some numpty heard it beeping and switched it off. So I had a fun time trying to get the network back online. 

Tl;Dr

The majority of things we fix are with duct tape or superglue. I’d call these “bodge jobs”. Basic rule of thumb though, don’t fix something if you have no idea what you’re doing, leave it to the experts and don’t touch it. You’ll break it even more!

I poured custard onto my fish fingers

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So today for lunch, I had a fish finger wrap with custard. That’s right, following in the footsteps of Matt Smith as the eleventh doctor, I poured custard on to my fisher fingers. The whole office watched in horror (and tried not to spew) as I proceeded to devour this fishy treat.

And it was actually pretty tasty

At this point, you’re probably not sure if I’m telling the truth, so let me tell you what I tell everyone. If you don’t want to, then you don’t have to believe me, that’s your choice though. This is not the first time that I have tried “fish custard”. In fact the first time I tried this strange combination was back in 2011, when the eleventh doctor came to the house of Amy (Amelia at the time) pond, claimed that he loved apples and then proceeded to spit it out and say “that’s disgusting, what is it?” And such was the birth of “apples are rubbish!”

Admittedly they are, but pears are much worse

I give apples a lot of stick, but admittedly, I don’t hate them. Actually, people would probably think I’m an apple lover because I even eat the core and the seeds. So why do I eat them? Mainly for the health benefits, but generally because it’s there. A pear on the other hand, well that just tastes wooly. 

But if I don’t eat this pear how can you rely on me in your time if need

This is what one of my work colleagues said to another work colleague after they said started eating a pear and said “I don’t have much love for this pear.” As if the ability to eat a pear or not is a matter of life and death 😂

But of course that’s just daft, because we’re all monkeys

I haven’t met someone who doesn’t like to eat bananas, hence my conclusion is that we’re all just monkeys and monkeys love bananas! Ooh ooh ah ah