October 24

I Am Displeased

So to say that I’m in a bit of a mood would be an understatement. I’m absolutely fuming! Why am I absolutely fuming? People that’s why. I suspected what you wanted and my suspicions were correct. I’m not the bearer of justice, I’m not going to tell you what’s right or wrong because it’s not my job to judge. Something that I will say is that it’s really not okay and can’t continue. I know exactly what your game is and you’ve proved the fifteenth rule of an old theory. 

Sure you’re a sociopath, that’s fine I can live with that, maybe you think I am one to. But truthfully when a situation like this is occurring, I think it’s time to realise that you’ve done enough damage. It’s time to move forward. It is no longer 2015. Yeah sure you want to have your cake and eat it, but if there’s all this imbalance (which I assure you there is because I’ve witnessed it) then all of this you are doing has to stop. 

I will leave it at that. 

October 21

Things You’ll Understand If You Have High Mental Agility


So today pretty much evaporated for me, but one thing I did notice is how slow some people can be. 

Everyone thinks it’s fine to walk 5 times slower than you

What’s wrong with walking at one mile an hour? absolutely nothing if there’s space to get round you, but if you’re going to trundle through the streets of London at the pace of Samuel The Snail and block the pavement, then you seriously need to revaluate your life choices. Sure you’re fuelled on caffeine and exhausted because little Johnny woke you up at midnight because he wanted his milk, but that doesn’t entitle you to walk like a zombie. 

Yes I walk at five miles per hour 

That’s just over eighth kilometres per hour if you’re on metric speeds. Which is classed as two miles per hour faster than the average walking pace. 

Then you get some mouthy baboon who says “calm down mate”

Oh I assure you mr. chav in a suit I am calm, if I wasn’t, I would have probably opened my mouth and told you to walk quicker. 

You’ll hate stations because everyone just gets in your way!

The platforms are barely wide enough anyway! Your frustration to get through this wall of commuters will lead you to have the strong desire to push people out of the way, fortunately you have some restraint because otherwise they’d end up on the rails. 

People will look at you as if you’re in a hurry

Despite the fact that this is your normal walking speed and people should really be walking at either your pace or faster. 

You may become irritated because no one gets your references

What do you mean you’ve never heard of the dead parrot sketch? It even makes an appearance in the much loved film about a boy who loved maths more commonly known as X+Y. 

You’ll have to explain everything because people don’t understand terminology that you use on a day to day basis

Not that you mind it, you take great pride in doing it actually!

Everything is very slow to you

Although you probably should take it slower especially when you decided to pull out in front of that car during your test, paying mind that was the only serious fault you received and if you’d waited ten more microseconds you would’ve been fine.

You’re hella decisive

Most people mull over things and you go “Yeah let’s try this!

You’ve planned pretty much everything

People think you do far too much planning, but if you didn’t, you would’ve found that you’d have been driven to madness. 

And while most people are struggling to rotate the function of y=√5+sin(2πx) 2π radians around the X axis, you’re working on your own theory of everything

No matter how hard you try though, you’re never going to be satisfied with it so you might as well bin it now before it takes up half of your life.

You’ll achieve a lot…

Or maybe you won’t. I don’t know. Depends what you class as a lot.

But you’ll get disappointed easily

Because your thoughts and expectations are higher than most people, because you think so quickly. You’ll see that people have potential and when they don’t fill your expectations, you’ll give up with them. 

You’ll feel isolated 

And for good reasons too. Because no one quite thinks like you and that can be rather distressing to know sometimes. 

But you know people

So you give them another chance to prove themselves!

You’ll become very obsessed with doing things your way


And people seem to like that about you

Again obviously!

You’re at risk of becoming corrupt

After all, you’ll remember from the political satire that you watched (involving tonnes of swearing) that the evil have an extremely high work ethic. 

But good and evil aren’t concepts that exist in your book. 

You’re less morally squeamish than most people and your decisiveness means you won’t regret your decisions, which may lead to the belief that you’re a cold, uncompassionate and uncaring person. 

But you’re not, you’re amazing! 

Providing you take yourself seriously that is!

October 18

15GB is truly a monster amount of mobile data

What would you do with 15GB of mobile data? I mean it’s a ludicrous amount but considering I’m spending £15 on my phone a month (and with my new phone arriving soon), I thought I might as well upgrade to 15GB which has left me with the dilemma of how on earth do I use all of this? 

The first gigabyte

Easily used used up through a combination of Tethering, Skype, Snapchat and Facebook Messenger. Downloaded a few important email attachments, but I realised that I’d need to increase my usage to get the most out of it. 

And so I took it into overdrive 

That’s right, I streamed music on Spotify instead of using offline mode, I stopped using the public WiFi of GWR (It was rubbish anyway) relying on only that of a data connection. I read a few articles on hypermiling, I watched videos for various reasons. I even hosted my own Pokémon Go event (even though I despise it) and have I still used it up? No I’ve barely used 1/4 of my allowance! 

So I have 15GB of data how do I use it?

In a world where we are required to be constantly connected (well at least feel required) you may well find yourself with never enough data, but in event of having 15GB you may become stumped as to what to use it for. So here’s a handy list, although I will point out I don’t use my phone for many of these! 

  • Streaming music.
  • Streaming video.
  • iPlayer.
  • A portable hotspot.
  • If you have a special router use it for that (trust me this will soon use it up)
  • Remote access from your phone to your desktop.
  • Messaging and social media (i should probably point out that also covers blogging too)
  • Downloading apps
  • Googling everything!
  • Agar.io
  • Read Tetracious Frustration

Wrapping up

Hopefully if you’ve bought a 15GB plan (or more) you know exactly how to use it effectively. If you were stuck for ideas though I hope this gave you a few ideas on how you can make the most of your plan. 

October 17

I forgot again

What a bizarre dream I just had. Do I think that any of my old IT teachers from Sackville would know anything about SAS code? Of they wouldn’t, I could’ve taught them most of the course!

Anyway I’m going to Wakehurst because it’s Sunday. Ta rah!

October 17

I forgot again

What a bizarre dream I just had. Do I think that any of my old IT teachers from Sackville would know anything about SAS code? Of they wouldn’t, I could’ve taught them most of the course!

Anyway I’m going to Wakehurst because it’s Sunday. Ta rah!

October 14

Well It’s Friday, Have Some Stuff

Blimey someone’s had their weetabix this morning. The train driver drove completly past platform 1b and decided to stop at platform 1a. “That’s so rivetting Alex,” I hear you say. I most certainly have not had my weetabix today; I’ve managed to rub wax into my eyebrow and not my hair. I could go get it cut, but then it’d be ridiculously thin and where’s the fun in that? 

This week I’ve been listening to the album space cadet by Nigel Good and I must say it’s pretty delightful. I especially enjoy the third track called An adventure  which I’m sure is something that I am driving everyone insane with at the moment. I hum it to myself quite a bit. I’ll probably be whistling it next week to calm myself down. 

In other news, I’m out of lemons and as a result, I seem to be disorientated. It’s probably nothing, but I’m going to the doctors next Wednesday where he’ll probably say that I need to drink more water (which I have been) or eat more food (despite the fact that I can eat most people out of house and home already) or moan at me because I haven’t given blood in a while and I have too much iron in my system. Well either those things or he’ll say that I have some sort of mental illness (just what I need to be diagnosed with before my practise expedition). Lame joking aside though, I feel fine, just a bit lighter in the head. I guess that’s what happens when you don’t have much to think about. 

Anyway I think I’ll wrap this one up here. This is Alex signing off for the weekend. Enjoy yourselves!

October 13

The Book 

I walked into the library, I demanded answers to my questions. Library Alex just sat there quietly reading his book, a red coloured hard back titled “Tetracious Theory”. At first he ignored me, then his eyes darted to mine and back to his book in one swift movement. I heard the caw of a crow, it gently glided down to perch on his shoulder. He stroked the underside of its beak, which seemed to delight the bird. I stood there, staring at him cruelly and coldly. Just who did he think he was? A smug grin crept over his face, my patience was running thin, I was itchy and irritable at the lack of answers. 

Library Alex now stared at me, the smirk covered his face as he continued to scratch the underside of the crow’s beak. Confidence oozing from every part of his body, the fire of his eyes burning brightly, his determination which never ceased. He was not weary, understandably, he’d never lost a game of chess. At last he spoke, well if you could call telepathy speech.”Catch,” he said and with that he tossed the red book towards me. It was deceptively heavy despite its A6 size and although I could hold it fine in my right hand, I understood that weedier people would not be able to do the same. As I opened the book I was horrified to discover that all the pages were blank, completely clean and white as a sheet. As I looked closer I thought I saw something move in the page. The crow came to sit on my shoulder and read the book as if there were words there, still I saw nothing. As I began to stare and look closer I began to see letters appear, then words and then sentences. They all read the same “You’ve learned nothing yet!” I ripped out the pages, chucked them and the cover all over the floor, I stamped on it and threw a tantrum. “just like a child, thankfully I have more”. His whole manner was irritating, but perhaps that was the point, because people who knew all the answers and never shared them actually really irritate people. It’s human nature, I guess. I am just an observer where my observations, my sensations and judgements mean nothing. Significance is independent to each observer. 

“You have much to learn Wornast. You have experienced many things, you have sampled many different flavours of pie, freedom and variety is what you seek, ethical use of power is something you must learn. You want answers? You can’t have them I’m afraid. First a lesson must be taught.” And with a snap of his fingers there I was, in the desolate desert with the sun beating down on me. I had to remained determined this was a test and I could not give up. The crow let out a cackling caw and I (yet again) was forced to trudge the desert in the boiling hot sun, but I guess that’s the way it works. Whatever is soft must become hard, that was just the way and that is how it should be. Pfft, that was rich, since when had shoulds got me anywhere. I guess the only way to find out is to play the game, so it is that I shall play and play that I shall!

October 11

Chapter 3 : The Phone Call

I always knew my hour would come to an end, it was inevitable. I had about twenty sites worldwide that all relied on that one satellite. Of course I had backup plans, I had them in excess, in fact I’d created a whole booklet full of troubleshooting steps and in eventuality of this happening, I’d no longer be able to live a normal life again. Don’t get me wrong, my life has never really been classified by anyone as normal, far from it in fact, but I guess that is what happens. I could be the most dangerous and destructive weapon on the planet. 

“Hi Nick, I’ll get down to business because I assume you know what this is about.”

“Right it’s about Fernukia.” 

“Yes, X192563927 to be precise! So as you’ve probably guessed NASA, ESA and Russia have gone absolutely ballistic about it.”

“No one uses that number, remember we’re a top secret organisation.”

“Yes we’re a top secret organisation who’s about to be exposed, remind me what we’re doing again by the way?”

“Do I have to remind you of the contract you signed, in event of exposure you’ll undergo a memory wipe, it’s not your problem it’s mine!” 

“Well I’m head of operations Nick, you put me in charge remember? What do you want me to do?”

“We’re in emergency operations, for goodness sake, you run the emergency procedures. That’s mass shutdown, the only place that should be in operation is firma.” 

“Complete shutdown, keep site one alive, roger that.”

I put the phone down and mopped the sweat from my brow. I looked at Lucas and Mark. “We’re issuing a stage seven shutdown, to protect you, your knowledge of everything about this project will be wiped. I am not expecting that you will be questioned, but as precaution, this must be taken. You may also experience fogginess and false memories. Please go home, I will take it from and thank you for your efforts.” 


A level seven shutdown was the last resort, Nick suspected it would happen at some point. No one really knew what all these facilities were for apart from Nick. Nick was developing a secret weapon, Nick wanted to control chaos. Chaos had always fascinated him, so he created it. He found the more you thought about something, the more entangled with, what he called “chaotic energy”, that something became. Chaos is a ridiculously powerful tool, but becomes harder to control. It’s like trying to tell a six year old not to press a big red button, it always won and if you shouted at it, chaos would proceed to throw a tantrum and smash up all your stuff. 

Eventually Nick decided to start working with chaos rather than against it. This lead him nearly to the point of insanity, which left him jittery but sleep deprived. If he’d continued, chaos would have possessed him, but as he’d observed, chaos was entangled with everything, which made Nick wonder, if everybody observes chaos, then perhaps each observer could experience different levels of chaos. A chaos quotient perhaps. In his theory Nick stated the following “each and every observer is influenced by chaos, but the level of chaos that each observer experiences is not equal. Each observer could therefore be described as a ‘chaotic entity’, but a ‘chaotic entity’ need not necessarily be an observer”

Nick didn’t really know what he’d achieve by controlling chaos, but he hoped that it would leave him alone, because he could never view anything in its simplest form. Everywhere Nick went he saw unrationlised fractions. Nick loved complexity, but at the same time, he wanted simplicity in all thingd. Alas chaos had foiled his plans “damn chaos” he thought “damn it indeed”

October 3

The First Days Of October

Because I forgot to write anything this weekend have a list of things that I did this weekend instead:

  • Played Minecraft.
  • Ran 20km.
  • Bumped into an old friend from sixth form.
  • Meditated.
  • Burnt candles.
  • Bought more candles.
  • Went on a first aid course.
  • Went to bed ridiculously early.
  • Had porridge with blueberries.
  • Drove around Tunbridge Wells for practise.
  • Completed some stuff
  • Messed around with Java because it didn’t work correctly.
  • Did some more calculations.
  • Remembered.
  • Found a pair of Dr. Marten’s that one of my ex’s bought me.
  • Fixed the remote desktop connection on Renfuku.
  • Cleaned Renfuku.
  • Continued reading last to die, which I really should have finished by now. I’m reading this one ridiculously slowly…
  • Reviewed my plans for Halloween, which is something I don’t even celebrate.
  • Sorted out travel plans for this week.
  • Did the three S’.
  • Read some of my old diaries and mind dumps.
  • Messed around with the Key because paperless train tickets. 
  • Decided that it would be a great idea to read every tweet on my Twitter account and it really was. All 4,199 of them.
  • Reflected on everything I’ve done these past three and a half years.

      Anyway I’m off to get my free tube travel and coffee. Blimey that’s awfully first model of me coffee…

      September 30

      The most pointless things that are in my house


      So I was looking around my house the other day and there are loads of things that we have scattered around the house for the purpose of ‘novelty’ and there’s quite a lot of things that have caused us all to say “oh for goodness sake, why have you bought that?” There’s also a lot of things that we’re keeping as well for some reason. So without further ado, here’s the list 

      A Soft Close Toilet Seat

      Now my upstairs bathroom is very fancy (or so people tell me anyway because of the bidet) but the latest addition dad decided to add was a Soft close toilet seat. I’m sure now I’ve mentioned this, everyone will be playing with it. Basically the soft close aspect means that it doesn’t make a loud clunk noise when you suddenly let go of it. I’m fairly sure no one does that. Well you’d have to be a special kind of special at least to do that…

      A Defuser 

      Something that my mother apparently bought for cooking. I think I’ve ever seen her use it once or twice. 

      A Trouser Press

      I’ve never really seen the point of this. I just pressed the buttons on it when I was younger and thought that it was the most amazing toy in existence. Again this has never been used and I don’t quite understand what It’s for apart from maybe keeping trousers warm and uncreased? 

      A Zenstone MP4 player created by Creative

      Literally has no use now that smartphones exist. 

      Photo Albums From My Childhood

      Sure okay it’s bizarre because in all the pictures of when I was young boy, I had blonde hair. But there’s not really any point in keeping these. Foolishly I have left them in the clutches of my parents, so I’m sure that will haunt me some day.

      My Baby Teeth

      Yes I still have all my baby teeth. I’m not sure why I’m keeping them really if i’m honest. I find them to be pretty cool. Still as prestine clean as when they first fell out. 

      Tapes From My Childhood

      Yes we still have a tape player actually. Why I would want to listen to myself when I was ridiculously young (we’re talking 7) is another question though so my mother’s keeping these for some reason.

      An Old Printer That Doesn’t Work

      Yes I was meant to smash this up for circuit boards for my new feature wall which would go where the train tickets on my wall are, but i never got round to that so it’s just chilling in my wardrobe. 

      A Fireguard That Can’t Be Used When The Fire Is On

      Yes my parents decided to buy a fireguard with acrylic candle holders. This means that when the gas fire is on, these holders will crack which means that it’s guarding you from an unlit fire. Hmm I’m not quite sure who the smart guy or gal who came up with that idea was, but seriously well done there! 

      Jewellery Given To Me From My First Girlfriend

      Sure it was significant when we were going out, but it holds no significance now. Sure I still wear it sometimes, but not very often. It’s just something to observe 

      Results From My Sunspot Study

      The one I did all the work for, but never finished. In year 10 Steve (Mr. Bush) wondered if I would like an extension to that of my GCSE in astronomy. Naturally I said “Of course” because I was (and secretly still am) into astronomy. Some nights I sneak outside just to stare at the stars and evaluate everything. It talks some sense into me sometimes. Of course the results are interesting to look at, but they are a constant reminder to how I never finished that piece of work. Although maybe it would have helped if I still felt as passionately as I used to about astrophysics.   

      A Broken Eiffel Tower

      This one is a funny one, well not funny in a sense that it is humorous, rather funny because it is bizarre for me to keep it. Of course I didn’t buy a broken Eiffel tower, that would be ridiculous, no what actually happened is that I trod on it and rather than fixing it with super glue (which is what I usually do) I just left it how it was and kept it in the same place. I mean you’d chuck that away wouldn’t you?

      So there we have it, these are all the pointless things that I found in my house. What are of yours? Leave a comment and tell me what you find