Have you got a quid mate?

When I worked in Waitrose, someone handed me a new fiver. I was so excited because it was all new and shiny, but I had to give it to someone because they needed change for a tenner 🙁

What an absolute shame that must have been for you…

Well well well Britain, the new quid coins have arrived and as I’m sure you’re all very much aware, they’re twelve sided and are set to completely replace the current quid this October. As someone who rarely pays by cash, the likelihood of me obtaining one of these within the next few weeks, is probably pretty low. I know, I’m guilty! I’m sort the person you’ll find in wetherspoons, raising his orange pixel over card reader to pay for his bottle of angry orchard cider.

They look alright I guess

If you call a smaller, lighter dodecagcon take on a two quid coin alright looking that is. It’s also apparently thinner and lighter too.  I really wonder why us Brits are putting so much effort into lumps of metal in a world where plastic and phone payments reign supreme. Even poundland (or as I call it, “quid world”) accept android pay. Sure the royal mint claims that it’s because of the ludicrous amounts of counterfeit currency, but why we’re handing each other tiny lumps of metal in the information age baffles me. It is also slightly larger than the current quid

One in thirty pound coins are fake…

So obviously the royal mint put a load of security features on our shiny new quids. This includes its iconic dodecadon shape, its bimetallic design, holographic image which changes from the ‘£’ sybmbol to 1, micro-lettering and a hidden high security feature that is so secret that even my special sneaky spies couldn’t any further information about it for me. More information on this can be found here.

The quid ain’t got no worth no more!

We know inflation is a big deal. It probably doesn’t help that our FTSE’s going a bit nuts at the moment due to triggering article fifty that’s due to happen tomorrow I think? But yes, if you’ve got even the smallest shred of intelligence, you’re probably quite aware that a quid isn’t as much as it used to be. In fact, according to M&G Investors, a quid today would be worth the astonishing amount of thirty-two pence if we look at the value of the pound when the first quid coin was minted in 1983. Why that’s enough to buy three plastic bags and won’t buy you anything on the McDonald’s saver menu!

But neither has the dollar

Obviously no one has ever heard of the Norwegian electro-pop group DonkeyBoy apart from me and a small handful of people at my year eleven prom. At this prom, I had ridiculously red eyes as a result to my childhood friend taking me for a walk down to the resivoir the day before. Yes, I’m terribly allergic to grass! Anyway, while I’m on this horrible tangent, have the song I’m talking about.

Oh yeah, your vending machines probably won’t be ready for them…

It’ll probably say something along the lines of “Yo bruv, that’s not a quid, that’s some weird coin you ought to put in a museum somewhere.” Because natuarally, all vending machines these day speak fluent roadman (street).

Tl;dr

We’ve got new quid coins that will fully replace your current quids in October because there’s so many fake quids in existence. Better clear out your piggy banks! Despite this lots of places are probably still not ready for them and lots of people still didn’t know about their release today.

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