I hate pears!

Alex General Nuggets 0 Comments

​”I swear down Alex, if you’ve eaten a pear again, I am not going to be pleased.”

Shhhh, you know nothing!

There is no fruit quite as disatisfying as a pear. These completely unique shaped fruits generally have a disgusting wooly texture to them. In fact, if you are one of the few people who can somehow tolerate the scourge that is the pear, then I for one applaud you for your poor taste in fruity treats!

Pears are usually green

But you do occasionally get little brown pears that are shriveled, fermented and probably slightly alcoholic because of this. I reckon a fresher could probably find a way of getting drunk off about fifty of these seeing as it is every university student’s mission these days to drink enough alcohol to drown a small child in

If you like pears so much, why don’t you put it on your pizza?

Pear pizza truly is something to yelch about, unlike pineapple which quite clearly does and should belong on pizza.

And of course there’s this dilemma!

If a fair and just God existed, he wouldn’t allow the pear to exist! Although, knowing our almighty lord, the pear was probably the forbidden fruit and because Adam was so tempted by this wretched pathetic excuse for a fruit, he kept it in this world to punish us.

So if you like pears, you probably like being punished…

Which probably means you’re into really strange kinky things in the bedroom.

Even the Doctor doesn’t like pears

So seriously, just compost it!

Because your plants will love it and really, that’s all it’s good for!

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