Pineapple Does Belong On Pizza!

Alex General Nuggets, The Weird, Wired and Wacky World Of Alex Wornast 2 Comments

I love pineapple on pizza Alex! Remember, I told you to order one with pineapple while we watched stranger things.

Yes, I remember! I also remember the food coma that I went into afterwards…

Pineapple on pizza-01

Proof of the pudding!

I would seriously not recommend binge watching stranger things… But yes, moving swiftly on, contrary to what you might believe, pineapple on pizza is much more popular in Britain than you might have thought. In a recent poll conducted by YouGov between the 26th and 28th of February, pineapple on pizza was favoured by more than half of Brits. Meanwhile in Iceland, president Guðni Th. Jóhannesson said that he would ban pineapple on pizza if he had the chance. Of course, this is the same president who encouraged us to try fish on our pizzas. Yelch!



People actually prefered pineapple to jalapeños

BxlWXuLIQAM2oqGWhich is something that I certainly didn’t expect, then again, I like spicy foods. But strictly speaking, a jalapeño, isn’t that hot. It’s between 2,500 and 10,000 Scoville units. That’s about medium hotness if we have a look at the Scoville chilli chart. For those who want a simpler scale,I believe that this descriptive Reddit scale will suffice.

I personally remember having a conversion about the Carolina Reaper in December and bought a packet of seeds, which I probably need to start growing at some point. I think this just proves that people prefered having something sweet on their pizza rather than having something spicy.

Although the most interesting piece of pizza pie was that mushrooms were the UK’s favourite

Ah yes the classic Ristorante Pizza Funghi by Dr. Oetker. Although if it’s alright with you sir, I’ll take my classic Cajun chicken with double pineapple and BBQ sauce any day thank you very much.

Dan Izzard claims that if you like pineapple on pizza, then you’re a bad person

I’d like to thank Dan Izzard for his article on Simple Lampoon called ’20 Reasons why liking pineapple on pizza makes you a bad person’I quite enjoyed this article, despite this, as well as being a bad person (which is exactly what GLaDOS said to me in portal 2 for murdering her after she tried to kill me in the first game), I am also a pedantic person. Don’t believe me? Watch me pick apart your article like Sunday’s chicken! While I know that your article was a joke, it’s provided me with something to respond to and for that Mr. Izzard, I am grateful. *bows most politely*

So without furtherado, let’s shred some chicken!

20) “In a modest Twitter poll of 216 votes – 53% of people agreed that pineapple on pizza is ‘all kinds of wrong.’”

In the recent YouGov survey that I talked about above (full results here),  a total  of 3,683 Brits were interviewed. In the overall majority, it was found that 53% liked pineapple on their pizza and that 41% of people did not.

19) “In Maui they use pineapples to make wine. If you can make wine with it then why would you do anything else.”

While pineapples can be used to make wine, grapes are also used to make wine. Grapes are also useful for treating migraines, delay neurodegenerative diseases like Alzheimer’s, cure stomach irritation. Pineapple is very good for clearing your sinuses, helps aid digestion, contains very high levels of vitamin C and mineral manganese. According to Guardian,  ‘consumption of sweet juices causes spikes in blood sugar and insulin levels, which can encourage the body to produce and store fat’, so why would you make wine out of it, when it’s so much better for you in its solid form?

18) “Pineapples were once believed to cause miscarriages, but a pregnant woman would need to eat about 10 whole pineapples for it to be a concern. Do you want to be the one to tell a heavily pregnant woman that she can’t eat the pizza? Really?”

If pineapples don’t cause miscarriages, then you don’t need to tell this ‘heavily pregnant lady’ that she can’t eat pineapple pizza.

17) “A pineapple is not an apple, or pine. It’s actually a berry! BERRIES ON YOUR PIZZA.”

You can blame the Spanish explorers for that because they thought it looked like a pine cone. Us English people added the apple part because it’s a juicy fruit. As for your berry argument, according to livescience, a berry is a fleshy fruit that has multiple seeds on the inside,  which would also classify chilli peppers as berries. Chilli peppers on pizzas aren’t weird.

16) “There’s a myth that pineapples make a man’s ‘fluids’ taste sweeter. But no conclusive scientific evidence”

Perhaps not, but vice did conduct a study on same-sex couples where they compared what people ate to how they tasted. They found that people with better diets (those that consisted of healthy foods) had sweeter tasting juices.

15) “No-one has signed up for my scientific study.”

That’s lovely… Did you advertise it well enough?

14) “Because of this joke: I just burnt my Hawaiian pizza – I guess I should have put it on Aloha temperature.”

Admittedly, that is a bad joke because there’s nothing Hawaiian about pineapple on pizza. In fact, it makes about as much sense as putting sauerkraut on a pizza and calling it German. atrocious grammar there by the way!

13) “Pineapples ripen faster upside down. Go home pineapple, you’re drunk.”

I think we can say that this is irrelevant to the argument. Don’t listen to him pineapple, he’s just jealous!

12) “Hawaiian pizzas were actually invented by a Canadian. Probably as a joke.”

Sam Panopoulos was from Greece and moved to Canada. Although yes, the pizza itself was birthed in Canada.

11) “That man has a name that sounds suspiciously like a joke – Sam Panopoulos”

Sounds like a pretty legitimate name if you ask me…

10) “A quote from Mr Panopoulos –  ‘It was a steep learning curve at first, We’d never seen a pizza. We didn’t know what we were doing.’ – And you want to trust this man.”

People also voted Brexit and Trump. Do you really think Trump has any idea what he’s doing, because I know for certain most of the people who voted leave have no idea what’s going to happen when we leave the EU (I may cover this in a future blog post).

9) “Pineapples probably aren’t welcome in post-Brexit Britain”

Actually, if part of the Brexit plan is to trade with the commonwealth (which would make logical sense) then pineapple would be part of the plan. Also considering that the older generation like pineapples, who most likely voted for Brexit in the first place, it would seem sense for them to be included in said plan.

8)”In Victorian times pineapples would be grown in hot pits and boys would be paid to sit and sleep in them – just in case the pit caught on fire. And that’s terribly sexist.”

But we don’t live in Victorian times anymore, we live in the 21st century where pineapples are not grown in hot pits. Also due to health and safety regulations, this method of growing would not be allowed.

7) “Of every pound you spend on pineapple in the shop, retailers typically take 41p, multinational traders 38p and plantation owners 17p; Workers get 4p and that’s not enough for any pizza.”

Do you not buy fairtrade pineapples?

6) “Pineapple is the only known source in nature of the enzyme Bromelain. Bromelain digests proteins… so when you eat pineapple – it eats you back.”

Granted, yes it does eat you back, but bromelain is an approved treatment for inflammation and swelling and has potential use in cancer treatments. I’d also like to bring your attention back to the fact that it’s very good for your immune system. Let’s also not forget that these enzymes are destroyed

5) “You’re eating Spongebob’s home.”

Spongebob is a fictional character. In other words, he doesn’t exist…

4) “Katie Hopkins probably likes Hawaiian pizza. Evident from this Twitter exchange:”I see, yes Katie Hopkins is quite a bad person isn’t she? I’ve also sent a tweet to the royal family, I haven’t heard anything back from them, so I guess you can say that the Windsors are all “bad “people too?Screenshot (53)

3) “In Australian slang, ‘to get the wrong end of the pineapple,’ means to get a bad deal. Literally translated: Bad deal pizza”

Would you mind explaining to me why it is, that the Hawaiian pizza is the most popular pizza in Australia?

2) “Pineapples take up to 3 years to grow. 3 f**ing years to ruin a pizza. You could fit in a full training cycle for the next Olympics before your pizza was ready.”

Now hang on a sweet second. Sweet and savoury actually goes well together. Have you ever tried cinnamon-spiced beef stroganoff? Don’t knock it until you try it.

1) “The pineapple did not make it to England until the 1600s, and it became a HIT in the 1700s. So It took 100 years for people to like them. If it takes that long to like, then I’ll be dead before I like Hawaiian pizza.”

That’s probably because they cost just North of £6,400 in those days…  Perhaps you’d like to double-check your sources because they were popular in the 1600s and became a status symbol, because naturally, only the ridiculously wealthy could afford them back then.

Of course, Mr. Izzard, feel free to correct me. After all, I relish the opportunity of battling you again in the future.

Although I think it’s safe to say that my blog has the crazier name here 😛 No hard feelings my good sir.

I wonder why there’s so much hate for pineapple on pizza


I’m about ninety percent certain that this issue has about as much controversy surrounding it as the The Red Pill (TRP) on Reddit. At least from what I have seen, it has about the same reaction to it. Chances are if you eat pineapple pizza and someone tells you to “go to hell”, then you’re probably not going to care, whereas the pineapple pizza hater (let’s call them the pph) is probably going to be judging you for eating pineapple pizza for the rest of your life.

Here are three great reasons to eat pineapple pizza!

1) Pineapple is healthier than most pizza toppings, which means you won’t get as fat.

Well duh!

2) If you don’t like pineapple, then you have under-developed senses.

As you age, your tastes will change. That’s how your Dad can gulp down pints of Guinness while you, my friend are probably regretting ordering even half a pint of the stuff. If you’re unable to appreciate a sweet and savoury flavour that pineapple has to offer, then it means that your taste buds aren’t sophisticated enough yet.

3) You eat the non-pineapple pizza the story ends. You wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe you eat the pineapple pizza, you stay in Wonderland, and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes.

Yes, you are living in the matrix. I’m not offering you pills, I’m offering you pizza. Choose wisely young Neo.

I think that’s really all I need to say

Belch and laugh at us pineapple pizza lovers all you like, but at the end of the day, we’re the majority. Pineapple has earned it’s place on the wall of Tetrcia and despite the views of the Icelandic president and of course Trump (who would probably punish me for my “crimes against pizza”) pineapple on pizza, is actually not as detestable as you may think.


Pineapple belongs on pizza. Disagree with me? I’m open to a healthy debate!

Comments 2

  1. The pineapple wars was funny. Especially when so many medias picked up what the President of Iceland said was the truth that, if he could, he would ban pineapple on pizzas. He said it but meant it like someone would say “I’d rather die than…” 🙂 You can read more about it here:
    Cheers from Iceland
    PS: This author’s fav topping are bacon, artichoke and…tuna ! 🙂 I know, few likes that. I love it! 🙂

  2. Pingback: I hate pears! | Tetracious Frustration

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